I've been talking with someone off and on for a couple years. He says he wants to meet in person.
We went to high school together, we did not hang out in the same crowd. We knew/knew of eachother but that's about it.
He said that with the talking off and on for as long as we have, we should meet for coffee, or in my case cocoa.
I had mentioned that I was going shopping, he said he should go to the store and shop with me. I told him where I was going. Messaged him shortly after I got there, no response until I was almost done...the game was on and he needed to watch.
The next time, I was under the impression we would meet and the last message I sent him was "see you tomorrow". He never responded to that and I didn't hear from him until late the next day and he said we had not officially planned anything.
The next time we talked about meeting up he said he was sick from something he ate. I had also gotten a flu shot and a covid vaccine and it hit me kinda hard so I was in no position to go anywhere.
He doesn't work tomorrow, neither do I. I asked him what we wanted to do tomorrow, a couple times. He did not answer that question, either time and has not responded to anything else sent.
Is he nervous about meeting in person? I am, because making friends as adults is difficult and scary as hell!
Is he worried I will think he's to heavy? I am, because I am nowhere near the size I was in high school and have been rejected because of my weight before.
Is he afraid that I won't like him in person? I am because I am awkward as hell and it shows all over my face, my movements and how I talk.
Is he afraid I will reject him? I am already starting to feel rejected.
Is he simply an asshole who is messing with me? It's highly possible.
I am wildly out of my comfort zone here. I have been alone for 15 years now and the idea of giving that up in any capacity is scary to me. I'm trying so hard to not retreat into my own world with my living situation. I am trying to put myself out there, again, and feel the same things happening, again.
I miss what having a friend feels like. I miss what having someone talk to and with me, hold me, want to spend time with me feels like. I miss all the things I didn't have during 20 years of marriage and some of the things I did.
I am about done trying though. I would rather be alone than put on another roller coaster with someone that doesn't actually want what they say they want.
