Some things I learned

Since 2017 I have learned a lot. Coming to realizations is not always fun and I came to a few over the last four plus years. 

I learned that asking for help is important, to get through some situations. You cannot do everything on your own, no matter how much you want to or try. 

In 2017 I was audited by the IRS and it ended up taking a year to receive my refund. I held on as long as I could and I couldn't do it anymore, financially. I went to family for help, I couldn't offer much financially so I offered to help clean and organize their house, my offer was accepted. I began with spending two weeks cleaning out the room I would be staying in. I dumped so much stuff covered with cat urine, old food, half full trash bags, broken things etc. I put a couple shelves in the closet to help hold some of my smaller things. I repainted the walls and the floor. I moved into the bedroom and  loaded all my life's belongings to the basement, in totes and boxes. 

I sorted through my belongings before moving, I sorted through my belongings again after moving. I helped my family member sort out things they wanted to donate and called Salvation Army for a donation pick up. Lots of stuff gone. I opened all the windows during the day to help air out the smell of animal urine that had been soaked into the wood under the flooring in the kitchen. Between working on my new room, my job and school I worked on the main floor of the house. The kitchen was awful, it took me a couple of days to get all the dishes washed by hand and with the dishwasher. I fixed drawers bottoms sinking down from the weight, I put drawer fronts back on as well as knobs that had fallen off. I dumped old expired food and wiped down cupboard shelves and scrubbed the fridge and freezer. The food prep area was finally done! The rest of the kitchen though, not even close. I worked on the living room, cleared away clutter and trash, it was usable again. 

I eventually was working two job, first shift through a temp agency 40 hours a week and then a part time job with a new company 10 hours a week, I went from one to the other every single day for months. I spent part of my evenings doing more cleaning around the house, making dinner, sharing what I made a few times a week. I spent my nights and weekends doing homework and trying to recover from my week of work, then I did it all over again. 

I needed this help in order to work more and put extra money towards paying off bills I had just put into consolidation to eliminate the growing interest and set up small payments that I could handle as well as my car payment, phone and insurance payments. I made to much to receive help with food costs so I was also paying for my own food. 

A lot happened during my time living with this family member. It was while I was there that I began counseling and getting my medical health checked out. I knew I needed additional help, though I tried to deny it and I told myself I had everything under control, I did not. I was angry, I cried a lot, I yelled and my frustration showed every single day. Some of this because of my financial situation, some of it because of where I was living and who I was living with and how they made me feel and how they used me. 

Some may say that we used each other or that I was ungrateful. Did I use this family member? to an extent, I was not in a position to offer more than helping with their home, when I could do something financially, I did. 

Asking for help is important, it's never easy, it never will be easy, but it is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.