A lot has happened since my last post in October 2018. I was living with my mother during my last post. I ended up leaving in July 2019. I have barely spoken to her and other members of my family since then.
July 2019 - May 2020 I moved to my half sisters apartment for awhile, the room was small but it was nice to get out of the chaos that I was in previously. My cats were not as happy though, my sister had a cat and he was a little to friendly with them. I had to keep them in my room, we even tried separating the apt a bit with a door but her cat still managed to get into my space a lot.
I continued to work (worked with kids with Autism) during this time but then the pandemic hit and things began shutting down in March 2020. I made plans to go out for my birthday, but everything shut down a few days before, that ruined my plans. I ended up having two weeks off from work and my supervisor suggested doing our sessions online. That started me working from home at the beginning of April 2020. We had to get creative with how we did our sessions and I had to learn how to use Zoom. I hated being on camera but after a couple weeks it got easier. We were able to see people from our in person social group again and over time it expanded, we eventually had 4 clients, 4 techs and various supervisors that joined us weekly for group sessions.
Things were fine at my sisters, difficult in various ways at times but she allowed me time to work on myself and was very patient with me financially. When work got slow because of the pandemic I ended up filing for unemployment. Not ideal and it was a pain but it was extremely helpful for me in so many ways. I was able to give my sister money to help with rent and utilities but I was really feeling stuck and cramped a lot of the time. This was the second place I had been I only had a small room. As much as my sister tried to make me feel at home and as much as I appreciated her help I really needed my own space.
During the majority of this time I had been keeping an eye on a new building that was going up, brand new apartment that I was waiting to apply for, income based, just what I needed!
I used the unemployment money, pandemic relief money and my job pay and made a plan to pay off all my debt consolidation, medical bills and my car, which was leased. I made larger payments on everything for the remaining months of 2020. I also worked out how to save money to move into my own place. My sister informed me that the house the apartment was in had been sold. So I began searching for a new place to live, until the apartment building began taking applications.
In May 2020 I moved into a friends house, he had a room to rent and he was okay with my cats too. The room itself was descent sized, I had a big cupboard in the kitchen were I kept my food, I had a drawer and shelf in the bathroom for my things and space in the fridge and freezer as well. There was a washer and dryer in the basement so no more laundry mat! When I moved in, my first thought was "this is going to be great!" The first month was fine, he lived a quiet life (except when he was drinking), had friends over once in awhile. Sometimes I'd sit outside with him and talk or we'd watch television together and talk about different shows we liked and share ones we thought the other would like.
June comes around and things started to change, slowly. I noticed that some of my food was disappearing, dishes in the cupboard started disappearing as well, pots and pans and then small things in the bathroom too. He was upset that I was not willing to clean up after him with the microwave, which I rarely used. He decided that he needed to take the pieces out of it so I couldn't use it. I brought my own in from my storage and kept it in my room. Over the course of the summer he started doing other things. He was blocking the basement stairs, he removed the pieces from the top of the stove so it couldn't be used, he was stealing my food so I put it all in my room. He put bleach in my laundry soap, which I caught before putting it in the washer. He was doing something to my bathroom stuff so I removed all of it all and washed everything. The night before I left to go to my aunts house, the weekend before my apartment was ready to move into, he took the door off the only bathroom in the house. He spent a week randomly pounding on my door so hard that he put multiple holes in it. I'm pretty sure he cut one of the brand new tires on my car too. I changed where I parked my car and kept a camera pointed at my car all the time until I was able to leave. I have video and audio recordings of his harassment. Through all this I was trying to find a different place to life, short term or long term, at this point I just needed out. It was difficult trying to find a place I could afford and would accept my cats. One place accepted me but wanted to talk to him, he refused to answer the phone and I lost that place because they wouldn't proceed without talking to him about my rent payments.
November 6, 2020 With help from some family and a Uhaul van I packed up everything I had in the room in his house and went to stay with my aunt until my apartment was going to be ready. I couldn't stay in that house anymore, the trauma he put me and my cats through, the daily threats, I needed to get out for my and my cats safety. As I waited in line to pay for my Uhaul I got a call from the apartment complex, my apartment would be ready to move into on November 10. I had already set everything up to leave that house so I was sticking to it. One of my older sisters agreed to watch my cats for me, my aunt had a cat and two dogs and did not want anymore animals in the house. I hated being away from them, especially after all the trauma they had been through but I didn't have a choice. I spent the long weekend sitting in the room my aunt provided me, talking to a cousin who helped me immensely during the last bit of time I was in the awful place. I was very shaken and could not handle loud noises.
November 10, 2020 I moved into my new apartment after a day of dealing with last minute errors on my paperwork. I had some help moving things in from a few different people. Once the Uhaul van was unloaded I called my sister so she could bring my cats over, my nephew showed up with them a little bit later. They were still scared and away from me for days then dropped off at a new place. They spent a lot of time sleeping on my bed. Every day I told them they could go where they wanted too, they were home and was big and they would not be closed in a room again. I didn't say much more than "Hi" to people that I ran into during elevator trips up and down. Because I was still working from home and the pandemic was still in full force, I didn't go out much so my cats and I spent a lot of time in the apartment with the door locked. For months any loud noise we all jumped and froze. I didn't answer knocks at my door unless I knew someone was coming over and only a few people had my new address.
Now, we have been in this apartment for just over a year, second year lease was signed early and I'll be signing my third lease this coming summer. I spent the first month here cleaning out the storage unit. I got rid of a lot of stuff, some trashed, some left for others in the building to have and some things I donated to Good Will. I'm still working on getting fully organized but so far the apartment is set up how I like it but I'm on a wait list to get into a bigger apartment so I have the space for my grandbabies to sleep when they come to visit and so I can create a better space for exercising and my office. I have made friends with a couple of the neighbors on my floor but for the most part I still keep to myself.
The trauma may never go away but I don't always jump when I hear loud noises. I've started talking to other people and even have some people over to my apartment too, though the people are limited that know where I live, for many reasons, I do now allow some in. The first year I only allowed a few people over and that didn't happen often.
That year I got a second job, less pay but steady hours, I am still learning more at this job. This year I quit the job I had for almost four years, no clients to work with and what was available did not work with the job that had steady hours. I am getting a raise at my current job, still less than the one I quit but I get raises and bonus', unlike the old job and my supervisors actually talk to me and listen to what I have to say and ask for my feedback.
That's the last few years, condensed, it's not all pretty and fun but I've surviving it every day. I'm feeling happier now and my cats are doing better, for the most part. The trauma they went through still shows at times.
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