Vindication and Karma

Do you believe in Karma?
     I believe that when you spend your time doing bad things, being mean to people, lying to and about people, eventually it will all come back on you. Your meanness and lies will be reveled and those that believed you will no longer, if they are smart anyway. 

     I was married for 20 years. After I moved out things were okay, he was being nice and helpful, until I wouldn't spend a night with him and he realized that I really wasn't coming back. Then he was mean, he wouldn't help with the kids. He was mad because he didn't get his way. I was no longer listening to him. I was never the type of wife to wait on him hand and foot, that's not me, he was not a baby, he knew how to do things on his own. Did I make his meals, fill his plates? Sure. but I didn't walk away from my meal to get him more. Did I take care of the house and kids and make sure our utilities stayed on? Sure. Did I work outside the house in addition to everything I did at the house? Yes, I did.I shoveled the snow in the winter because he had a bad back and I didn't want him doing that much extra with all he was already doing for our family. 

     I did a lot for my family, like most moms, I put my kids first, I provided for them and did for them, the same as I did my husband. After a few years of marriage, when the first one arrived, he changed, started going out dirt bike riding and hunting because he needed to relax. I was a stay at home mom then so I poured myself into raising my daughter. I tried for years to make our family what we discussed before we had our first daughter. He didn't seem interested. The second arrived almost five years later, he was more interested but still not really involved like I had hoped that he would become. When both kids were old enough we started watching the Harry Potter movies at the theater, it was our special treat, a family thing we did, he went with us for the first couple and after that he said he didn't want to go. The girls were hurt, we started watching them as a family and he was choosing to walk away. The girls and I finished the series without him. We did a lot of things without him.
     
     The divorce came to late, I always wish that I had left sooner, it will always be a regret of mine. Because I believed him when he said he wanted to make our marriage work, that he wanted to be a family, he would play the part for a little while and then stop. At some point I stopped believing him and began to withdrawal. My "attempts" at having a happy family were over and after some time and a lot of reflection I was okay with it. Moving out was the best thing I had done and it happened at time when I was stressed, depressed, frustrated and angry. The stress of being a full time single parent made me withdrawal more into myself. I took nearly everything that reminded me of him out of the house. All but two photos that he was in were gone, I got rid of Christmas stuff, things he gave me, most of them anyway, some I've had trouble parting with but others I was glad to get rid of. 
     
     The last couple of days have been very revealing for me, about my ex-husband. He married shortly after the divorce was final, within six months or so, I think. I didn't really care, I had moved on. His wife though, she would come with him to pick up my daughter, some times she would come alone to pick up my daughter. Every single time she gave me dirty looks, she never said Hi or Hello, she never asked how I'm doing, she just sat in the car glaring at me. I honestly felt bad for her because she didn't know the truth, she didn't know what I had been through, she listened to his lies. 

    The last couple of days I found out that they are getting divorced. He was cheating on her. I suspected that he was cheating on me but I didn't have proof, other than he kept accusing me of cheating on him and then I told him that I thought he was cheating and he didn't deny it. That's all I needed to know. I was officially done with him and trying was over. In 2010 I began making my plans to leave and after a couple months the girls and I moved out, on April Fool's Day. 
     I've been messaging with his soon to be ex, he lied to her like he lied to me, he was cheating on her, talking to "women" on-line but I'm pretty sure that they were men from other countries, based on how they spoke in text. He was smoking pot and lying to her about it, just like he did with me. He put his wants before the necessities of the house. He used her for the money she had, she paid off his debts to his brother, she lost her tax refund to his child support because he didn't tell her he was behind. He used her for vacations, got a house out of her and a new truck. When my youngest turned 18 and he was not longer required to keep medical insurance on the kids, he dropped them from the medical insurance, medical insurance that she paid for through her job. He told her a few months ago that he fell out of love with her a couple years ago, about the time his parental responsibilities ended. He didn't need her any more then, she had covered his financial stuff so he was good. She realized that she had been used. 
    She found out about everything in July of this year, the day after, she went to an attorney. Her family is supporting her in divorcing him. She removed herself from his auto loan and the second house they bought together but I suspect it was more her. I think she should have sold it or forced him to buy her out of her half, she made her decision and she's now done with him. She will have no responsibility for where he lives. She feels that soon enough he will be homeless and jobless and then he'll probably end up back at his brothers house, in debt again, going through forecloser, again. 
    Vindication for me, at least with some people. I spent years being told I was crazy, that I made things up, that I lied, that I didn't try, that I took his kids away from him. I spent years fighting myself, I spent years telling myself that I really did try everything I could think of to make the marriage work and it wasn't all my fault. I spent years feeling alone and hurt and had a whole group of people who despite seeing what I went through in the marriage still abandoned me and my daughters when I walked out. They believed everything he said and I was the bad person that was finally gone and no longer existed. I think that losing that family hurt me more than walking away from him, which is sad but it's the truth. His wife now knows the truth and has expressed to me that some of what he has told her, she now believes were lies because he made the same accusations towards her. She now sees him for who and what he truly is; a liar, a manipulator, a user, a cheater, and substance abuser. I'm sure I'm forgetting but that list is long enough. 

     I looked through the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Looking at the criteria, he falls under Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). He is on meds but about to lose his insurance because it's through HER work. He's threatened her, she's changed the locks on the house and has multiple police that live in her area, they are keeping an eye on her and her home, in case he decides to come over without her knowing.
      
     For anyone who has gone through even part of what I have, who has felt that they were not believed, was turned on by others who believed the lies. Their time will come. Karma will come back around, you will get your own vindication. You just need to be patient enough to wait it out and let those people keep digging their holes, eventually they won't be able to get out. 

Set Backs

Set backs happen whether we like them or not, they are, annoying, frustrating and also unavoidable. 

The past nine weeks have been difficult for me. I had instructor in school who was pretty tough, I can handle that, but what I can't handle is being failed in a class when the instructor consistently changed how she graded, didn't offer advice and came off as petty and annoyed when questions were asked. Her notes in the assignments were good, helpful but outside of assignments, the feedback was not good. Upon failing me she posts a note that says "Best Regards". She knew that she failed me, she knew that I needed to be at 80% or higher to pass the class and keep moving forward with the program. 

I am now stuck in a limbo, waiting. I've contacted my academic adviser, the committee that deals with student issues has already contacted the instructor to see if the grades are final or if she is willing to look at them again, she said they are final. Now I'm waiting for the grade dispute, it should have begun yesterday. A couple of days ago I sent nine attachments with a summary for each attachment to my adviser, these will be used for the grade dispute. 

During the class there were multiple group assignments. I was the team lead on at least three of them. The school has programs for checking grammar and for plagiarism. I used them both for the assignments, made the corrections and then put the corrected info back into the assignment. When the assignment came back, after grading, all the corrections I made were not actually corrected. This happened two weeks in a row until I realized that the problem was with the program. I contacted the instructor and posted about the problem in the group. The instructor refused to reconsider the grade, she didn't ask about seeing the report from fixing the errors. Another issue was that she changed the requirements of an assignment but didn't say anything. My group followed the assignment instructions and then were told that part of it didn't count, the part she excluded and docked points for, she said we didn't have enough content. I finished this class with 78.4%, it's a program requirement that the grades stay at 80% or higher to remain in the program.

Next steps. I am hoping to hear back Monday about the grade dispute. I am hoping that the information I sent to my adviser will get the points I need back so that I will have passed the classed. If I do not get these two points back after the grade dispute then I will have to take this class over again, along with doing a couple other things, the new class won't start until November 27th. This break in the class flow is going to set me back a couple months. I'm supposed to be finishing my degree in December 2020, this delay will put finishing to the beginning of 2021. 

At this point all I can do is wait. I'm trying to keep myself busy outside of work, which isn't easy, I  mainly spend time watching movies and Netflix. Once I'm back in class I can refocus my time again. 

Masters of Scence in Counseling/Clinical Mental Health Counseling - Intermediate

                 Intermediate
     I started this portion of my program on April 24, 2018, having passed each of the Basic Counseling class with an A-. I can't fall below 80% (B-), if that happens I can be kicked out of the program.
     This new level started with Research methods, and they are not joking about the research part! So far I have worked on assignments that have articles that are assigned and I've also had to find my own topics to research and fill out forms and write papers about. The hardest part so far, finding topics that are interesting and contain the information I need to complete the assignment.
     I still have to work in groups, this time however, I'm working with two people I met during residency, Terrica and Tameka. Both have their stories, like me, both are strong women and they have been great to work with on our group assignments. We have a basic set up for when we need to have our portions posted to the group thread and it's working out pretty well so far. We've had plenty of time to complete our portions, get everything put together and submitted a day before it's due. This group is now in my top two, yup, only two have been good so far, in almost four years of working with groups.
     Time to get some stuff done on at least one of my assignments, they are all due on Monday and I still need to work on participation posts as well. More assignments with these classes, I need a better system to get everything done in a timely manner without feeling overwhelmed.
     Wish me luck :)
   

Arizona Trip Day Ten

     We spent the morning just hanging out. Carmen has been sick for the majority of the trip, bad cough, trouble breathing and sleeping. She has been in an almost full sit up position every night since we got to Phoenix.

     We did manage to get out for a bit though. We went to the Heard Museum, if you have not been, you should go. It's  all about the Native American Indian Tribes. It's a beautiful museum, I'm glad that we had the chance to see it. They offer tours through part of the museum, or you can wander on your own. We did both. It's eye opening. There is also a small room that plays a video on a loop about how pottery is made and how it's a dying art, newer generations are not learning about how to do it to keep it going.
   
     If you are in Phoenix, I highly recommend that you take a trip to this museum. Beautiful and sad stories and beautiful art work and traditions. 

Another Ending, Another Beginning

     Jenyfer has finally finished her second year of college. She spent the last couple of days getting her room packed up. Yesterday we got a car load of stuff moved to the storage unit and then the rest of her stuff packed into the car.
     The drive to and from Greenville, PA is only six hours but it sure feels a lot longer. The drive to Topeka, KS felt shorter! I think it's because I make the drive more often, to Greenville.
     Now, she waits for her final grades to be posted.  Every year I hope that the new year will be better than the last. For Jenyfer and school, I think she did a lot better this school year, she has been happy with the grades that have been posted so far, anxious for the last of them.
     Jenyfer will begin looking for a summer job, fingers crossed that she finds one fast, she has things to take care of this summer. She does have a line on one so far. Her best friend is getting married in August, she'll have to prepare to go back to school in August as well. She is also planning to change her last name, to mine, and then there is her drivers training and license stuff as well. It's going to be a big summer for her, especially if we can get everything done this year.
     Wish us luck, we might need that extra push.
   

Arizona Trip Day Seven through Nine

Friday; Day Seven
     The day started earlier than I would have liked. Class went from
8a-4p but I had to be on the shuttle by 7a or 7:30a, I chose to do the 7a shuttle so I would have time for breakfast and setting up my computer and what not. We spent the day doing role-play, talking, listening to stories from the instructor and classmates. The school provided breakfast, lunch and two snacks. Everything was catered and really good.

Saturday; Day 8
     Today was pretty much like Friday. We did more role-play with each other. We took turns being the counselor and the client. Everyone shared things from their own life that they have concerns about. The instructor also did a couple role-play situations about Ethics. The first one he played "the client" and had us all laughing, he was making passes at "the counselor". He explained how she should have handled it and told us that if a client is behaving inappropriately, we are within our rights to end the session. I did my PowerPoint presentation today, I got good feedback from the class and the instructor. I've been nervous about doing the role-play and presentation because it puts me in the spotlight to much and that make me uncomfortable, I made it through though with encouraging words from everyone. I need to stop doubting myself. I see the grades I have been getting since 2012 and I still doubt my abilities to do well in school. I need to STOP IT! (Bob Newhart reference) We also watched a presentation by another instructor. He explained what he has been doing, his presentation is something he is still working on in preparation to present at a conference, we were the guinea pigs lol

Sunday; Day 9
     The final day of class. Role-play again, with feedback from the whole class but then we did a role-play where the instructor was the only one giving feedback, this part was our final. After everyone was done we spent some time watching a presentation from a new instructor about counseling and the law, when we would be expected to go to court, and what to expect and do if we do have to go to court and ways that clients could trick us into going to court. It was very informational.

     I am very glad that I had this opportunity, to attend the residency. It has helped me a lot. My instructor wants to see a counselor, to help me work through the resentment towards my family. I know I need to do it, I'll have to start looking into it when I get home. If I start seeing a counselor of my own then it will give me a chance to get better before I start seeing my own clients. I need to do this. I will find a way to make it happen.
   

Arizona Trip Day Six

     Today was my first day of class, in a real classroom. I was very nervous, we had to do role play with the instructor and then with another student. It was pretty emotional for everyone. We all did great though. Everyone asked questions and shared things about themselves. I knew it was going to emotional for me, it just happened quicker than I expected.
     The school had breakfast, snacks and lunch for us, available through out the day. I was pretty full after all that food. All in all it was a good day.
     Two more days and then three days of downtime for fun around Phoenix. Not sure what we'll do during that downtime but I'm sure we'll stay busy all day.