This will be the biggest life change for me since I got divorced in 2011. I have been going through a lot lately, like many others. Most days I feel like giving up.
I am moving in two weeks, I have been cleaning out a room in my moms house, that's where I will be staying for awhile. I've spent a lot of time getting the room cleaned out and pulling up carpet. Today I painted the walls/ceiling and some of the trim, I will finish tomorrow.
I sent a picture of the paint colors I picked to my daughter and was met with an angry reply about how stressed she is and she doesn't have time to look at my color swatches. Her response was typical, she still doesn't seem to understand or care that I am dealing with a lot as well and that I am under stress every minute of every day. Will I have enough gas to get back and forth to work, will I have money to buy food, can I make my car and insurance payments? Do I work on school or packing, do I work on getting the room done, drop a load of stuff off? How much sleep will I be able to get?
My response to her was not the greatest, it was said in anger, fear, frustration and hurt. No one really asks me how I'm doing with everything I have going on. Work, school, trying to sell some things, packing and moving small loads at a time, until I can get the Uhaul to move everything else, all with no help and a lot of stress.
I'm trying to be positive about this whole move, the message from my daughter reminded me of just how alone I am in this whole thing. At the very least, I expected some sort of support from my children, since I've always supported them, in whatever ways I could. I guess it doesn't go both ways.
I have to give up my own house (it's a rental, but still). I will be further from work, I have to store the majority of my things and live in someone else's house. I will have my cats with me, that's good. I hope they do okay with the move.
I will keep doing what I've been doing pushing through each day until this move is done and maybe then I will be able to relax for a minute. I don't see things getting easier any time soon. This is what I do though, I push myself through because there isn't anything else I can do.
Once I'm settled I will begin working on getting another job, working January to mid November is great, and I enjoy having the holidays off but once mid November hits I have no money coming in to pay my bills unless I find another job for that six weeks.
Time to check into school, before I head to bed. It's been a very long day for me, emotionally and physically. Tomorrow is another day full of things that I need to do, starting with putting one foot in front of the other.
