There are many ways to lose someone; death, being walked away from, walking away from a negative person, to name a few. The questions is...How do you deal with loss?
Loss due to death, everyone deals with this in their own way; crying, screaming, ignoring it, withdrawing from family and friends, fall into a depression, feel alone.
Loss due to someone walking away from you, like death loss, people will cry, be angry, withdraw from family and friends, fall into a depression, feel alone.
Loss due to being the one to walk away from a negative person; this is a controlled feeling, typically if you are the one to leave, you've thought about it and made plans for it. If you are the one to walk away, it still hurts because it's the end of something you wanted to last but realized it couldn't.
Loss due to a negative person, their negativity can come at you in many ways. Lies, comments, comparisons about your lives, where one thing is okay for one person but not the other person. What if the loss happened because of simple and proven lie, not even a big lie, a small stupid lie, something not even worth lying about?
This is something that I've recently been dealing with. It's making me question an entire relationship and how many times I've wondered if I were being lied too but couldn't prove it so I pushed it aside. I ignored claims of this person being a liar by an one of their exes but didn't believe because at that time, I didn't feel I was being lied too and saw no signs or reasons why I would be lied too. Now years of my life are in question.
Part of me is okay with not having contact and okay if there is no more contact but another part of me is not okay with it because this person was a big part of my life for many years, I think that is the hardest part for me, the loss of that long friendship.
I don't know if this person will decide to talk to me again, I guess I'm okay with it either way, but I don't think that I'll trust what I'm told anymore, from this person. I will always wonder if what I'm told is the truth or how much is exaggerated or a flat out lie. Maybe it's better to just not have contact anymore. I don't think I want to have a relationship where I'm constantly wondering if I'm being lied too, that is no way to live.
How do you deal with loss? I'm not 100% sure about how I want to deal with this, I guess I will take it one day at a time, I feel that is all I can do at this point.
Friday, November 3, 2017
Friday, September 15, 2017
Life Changes
This will be the biggest life change for me since I got divorced in 2011. I have been going through a lot lately, like many others. Most days I feel like giving up.
I am moving in two weeks, I have been cleaning out a room in my moms house, that's where I will be staying for awhile. I've spent a lot of time getting the room cleaned out and pulling up carpet. Today I painted the walls/ceiling and some of the trim, I will finish tomorrow.
I sent a picture of the paint colors I picked to my daughter and was met with an angry reply about how stressed she is and she doesn't have time to look at my color swatches. Her response was typical, she still doesn't seem to understand or care that I am dealing with a lot as well and that I am under stress every minute of every day. Will I have enough gas to get back and forth to work, will I have money to buy food, can I make my car and insurance payments? Do I work on school or packing, do I work on getting the room done, drop a load of stuff off? How much sleep will I be able to get?
My response to her was not the greatest, it was said in anger, fear, frustration and hurt. No one really asks me how I'm doing with everything I have going on. Work, school, trying to sell some things, packing and moving small loads at a time, until I can get the Uhaul to move everything else, all with no help and a lot of stress.
I'm trying to be positive about this whole move, the message from my daughter reminded me of just how alone I am in this whole thing. At the very least, I expected some sort of support from my children, since I've always supported them, in whatever ways I could. I guess it doesn't go both ways.
I have to give up my own house (it's a rental, but still). I will be further from work, I have to store the majority of my things and live in someone else's house. I will have my cats with me, that's good. I hope they do okay with the move.
I will keep doing what I've been doing pushing through each day until this move is done and maybe then I will be able to relax for a minute. I don't see things getting easier any time soon. This is what I do though, I push myself through because there isn't anything else I can do.
Once I'm settled I will begin working on getting another job, working January to mid November is great, and I enjoy having the holidays off but once mid November hits I have no money coming in to pay my bills unless I find another job for that six weeks.
Time to check into school, before I head to bed. It's been a very long day for me, emotionally and physically. Tomorrow is another day full of things that I need to do, starting with putting one foot in front of the other.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Masters of Scence in Counseling/Clinical Mental Health Counseling - Basic
Basic
I have not really shared what my Masters degree was in, yet. No one has really asked either, I'm sure if they really want to know, they will ask. Maybe part of the reason I haven't shared is because I feel that I will be judged for this decision? I know that some people would, some feel that counselors don't really do anything but tell people what to do and judge them for what they do or say. I can understand why people would feel that way, that is often times how it is portrayed in the movies and on television.
I feel that counseling is important, but people need to be open to it, if it is going to work. If you walk into a counseling session, assuming it is crap that does not work then it will not work. Even the smallest amount of open mindedness can help break through the walls that people tend to put around themselves.
Last week I asked the question "what does a counselor do", on Facebook. Only a few people replied, not nearly as many as I expected though. A few peoples opinions were basically that counselors do not do much of anything. I think that many people generalize counseling, there are many types of counselors; credit/debit counseling, mental health counseling, life coaches is another side of counseling that can have a wide range of uses. I received more responses from people that felt that counseling was positive. Those that suffer from depression and anxiety often seek counseling along with medication to help manage the disease. Military personnel, veterans and current, as well as those that have been through something traumatic can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), counseling, at various levels can help them deal with their trauma.
This week I have to write a timeline about the history of counseling. This should be interesting, I haven't really looked at the history of counseling, learning something new is always a good thing.
Question for myself:
What do I expect to get out of this degree? All of my degrees?
My goal from the beginning was to finally do what I should have done many years ago, high education for the betterment of myself. My goal is to get back to where I was in 2003, reopen my home daycare. I have been wanting to reopen for a long time, at this point I do not know if I will be able to make it happen, but I will keep pushing forward.
My associates in education will assist in educating the children in my daycare. Yes this is a fairly simple thing to do on a day to day basis, but having the school background will help parents make the decision to consider my daycare. My bachelors in business will assist me when it comes to the financial end of running a home based daycare. Having a masters in counseling will assist in dealing with children and their parents.
Each degree that I have and am earning can be used within the school system, or a business setting. Without furthering my education degree I could become a parapro and work in a school, the business degree will allow me to run my own business more effectively or work for another company. The counseling degree, will allow me to work with others in the same field, and in a school, but could also be helpful with an office position and dealing with various personality types and some of the financial aspects of the company as well.
The point to each of these degrees, other than building my own business is to finally find my place. To do what will makes me happy.
🍷🍷 Here's to making my future what I want it to be.
I have not really shared what my Masters degree was in, yet. No one has really asked either, I'm sure if they really want to know, they will ask. Maybe part of the reason I haven't shared is because I feel that I will be judged for this decision? I know that some people would, some feel that counselors don't really do anything but tell people what to do and judge them for what they do or say. I can understand why people would feel that way, that is often times how it is portrayed in the movies and on television.
I feel that counseling is important, but people need to be open to it, if it is going to work. If you walk into a counseling session, assuming it is crap that does not work then it will not work. Even the smallest amount of open mindedness can help break through the walls that people tend to put around themselves.
Last week I asked the question "what does a counselor do", on Facebook. Only a few people replied, not nearly as many as I expected though. A few peoples opinions were basically that counselors do not do much of anything. I think that many people generalize counseling, there are many types of counselors; credit/debit counseling, mental health counseling, life coaches is another side of counseling that can have a wide range of uses. I received more responses from people that felt that counseling was positive. Those that suffer from depression and anxiety often seek counseling along with medication to help manage the disease. Military personnel, veterans and current, as well as those that have been through something traumatic can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), counseling, at various levels can help them deal with their trauma.
This week I have to write a timeline about the history of counseling. This should be interesting, I haven't really looked at the history of counseling, learning something new is always a good thing.
Question for myself:
What do I expect to get out of this degree? All of my degrees?
My goal from the beginning was to finally do what I should have done many years ago, high education for the betterment of myself. My goal is to get back to where I was in 2003, reopen my home daycare. I have been wanting to reopen for a long time, at this point I do not know if I will be able to make it happen, but I will keep pushing forward.
My associates in education will assist in educating the children in my daycare. Yes this is a fairly simple thing to do on a day to day basis, but having the school background will help parents make the decision to consider my daycare. My bachelors in business will assist me when it comes to the financial end of running a home based daycare. Having a masters in counseling will assist in dealing with children and their parents.
Each degree that I have and am earning can be used within the school system, or a business setting. Without furthering my education degree I could become a parapro and work in a school, the business degree will allow me to run my own business more effectively or work for another company. The counseling degree, will allow me to work with others in the same field, and in a school, but could also be helpful with an office position and dealing with various personality types and some of the financial aspects of the company as well.
The point to each of these degrees, other than building my own business is to finally find my place. To do what will makes me happy.
🍷🍷 Here's to making my future what I want it to be.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Going Back To School
Like most people, I spent many years in school. I believe I started in Preschool and went through high school. I went to a number of school over the years. Dickenson Elementary, Burr Oak Elementary, Eastern Elementary, Northeast Middle School, Godwin Middle and High School and then, 23 years after graduating high school, I became a student at the University of Phoenix.
November 2012-April 2015 I worked on my Associates of Arts in Elementary Education (AAEE). I finished with a 3.22 gpa. June 2015-May 2017 I worked on and completed my Bachelor of Science in Business with Small Business Management and Entrepreneurship Certificate (BSB/SB and CERT/SBE). I completed these two degrees with a 3.07 and 3.06 gpa. There was no break between them, not sure why there are two different gpa scores listed.
I got a very late start on college. Thinking back though, I wish I would have had the courage to do this after I graduated high school. Maybe not right after but within a year or so afterwards. I was afraid of many things back then and did not think I would do well, I was a 'D' student in high school and didn't want to fail at college too.
I made the decision to start school, eventually, when I made the decision to get divorced. I wanted to wait until the divorce was final before I started, I didn't want him to get in the way of the financial aspect of going back to school. In 2012 I made a phone call and got started with the University of Phoenix.
August 1, 2017, I will begin my next round of classes; Master of Science in Counseling/Clinical Mental Health Counseling (MSC/CCMH). I am looking forward to working on this degree, for many reasons. First and foremost I am often asked for advice and my input on relationships and life in general. I want to be able to give people help that they can learn from and remember. I also want to be able to help myself, have a better understanding of my own personal feelings about my life and how to help myself truly move on within my own life. I have been through a lot in my life, not all bad but not all good either. I have always managed to move forward, through problems, but most of the time I have pushed feelings down and ignored them. I know that in order to help others I have to work on myself too. Another reason for this degree is because I have always been empathetic and very sympathetic. I have always been able to understand how people and think, this will help me when assisting other people.
My original plan with starting college classes was to become a teacher. Half way through my AAEE I decided that I wanted to reopen my home daycare and use my degree to eventually open a small school for the young children in my care. I made the decision to get my degree in business, to help with owning my own business. I know what needs to be done with the children, I wanted to have more information for the business end, to make money and not just break even. Working on my MSC/CCMH will give me the ability to work with children and adults. Having these three degrees will give me more options than just having one or two. I will be able to use all three of them for the daycare, I could use two of them for a counseling office or use two to three of them in a job outside of my home. My ultimate goal is to be able to work from home, within my own business but having the option for outside work is also a good thing for my future.
Making the decision to go back to school was an easy decision, once I was divorced. Sticking with it has been an easy decision and making changes in what I want to do has been an easy decision. Other areas have my life have been full of hard decisions, many times I have cried myself to sleep because there was not enough food in the house, I was having trouble paying the bills, I was overtired from working two jobs. I have had problems with people I worked with and wanted to quit but could not because I had children that counted on me for everything. I have struggled with having a job that I did not hate going to every day because I have not been able to do what I wanted to do. I have had to work for other people in places where things were made difficult because there is a lack of basic common sense.
Anyone looking to find a way to move on with their lives, make their life better for themselves and their families, make that step. Take the path that will lead you to where you want to be. If you want to work your way through the company you work for, make changes in how you view your job, take it seriously and ask what you need to do to advance within the company. If you are just out of high school and many years past, like I was, and have thought about going back to school, do it. If you want to go to school to help with advancing in your current job, do it.
Believe in yourself and work towards what you want to become.
November 2012-April 2015 I worked on my Associates of Arts in Elementary Education (AAEE). I finished with a 3.22 gpa. June 2015-May 2017 I worked on and completed my Bachelor of Science in Business with Small Business Management and Entrepreneurship Certificate (BSB/SB and CERT/SBE). I completed these two degrees with a 3.07 and 3.06 gpa. There was no break between them, not sure why there are two different gpa scores listed.
I got a very late start on college. Thinking back though, I wish I would have had the courage to do this after I graduated high school. Maybe not right after but within a year or so afterwards. I was afraid of many things back then and did not think I would do well, I was a 'D' student in high school and didn't want to fail at college too.
I made the decision to start school, eventually, when I made the decision to get divorced. I wanted to wait until the divorce was final before I started, I didn't want him to get in the way of the financial aspect of going back to school. In 2012 I made a phone call and got started with the University of Phoenix.
August 1, 2017, I will begin my next round of classes; Master of Science in Counseling/Clinical Mental Health Counseling (MSC/CCMH). I am looking forward to working on this degree, for many reasons. First and foremost I am often asked for advice and my input on relationships and life in general. I want to be able to give people help that they can learn from and remember. I also want to be able to help myself, have a better understanding of my own personal feelings about my life and how to help myself truly move on within my own life. I have been through a lot in my life, not all bad but not all good either. I have always managed to move forward, through problems, but most of the time I have pushed feelings down and ignored them. I know that in order to help others I have to work on myself too. Another reason for this degree is because I have always been empathetic and very sympathetic. I have always been able to understand how people and think, this will help me when assisting other people.
My original plan with starting college classes was to become a teacher. Half way through my AAEE I decided that I wanted to reopen my home daycare and use my degree to eventually open a small school for the young children in my care. I made the decision to get my degree in business, to help with owning my own business. I know what needs to be done with the children, I wanted to have more information for the business end, to make money and not just break even. Working on my MSC/CCMH will give me the ability to work with children and adults. Having these three degrees will give me more options than just having one or two. I will be able to use all three of them for the daycare, I could use two of them for a counseling office or use two to three of them in a job outside of my home. My ultimate goal is to be able to work from home, within my own business but having the option for outside work is also a good thing for my future.
Making the decision to go back to school was an easy decision, once I was divorced. Sticking with it has been an easy decision and making changes in what I want to do has been an easy decision. Other areas have my life have been full of hard decisions, many times I have cried myself to sleep because there was not enough food in the house, I was having trouble paying the bills, I was overtired from working two jobs. I have had problems with people I worked with and wanted to quit but could not because I had children that counted on me for everything. I have struggled with having a job that I did not hate going to every day because I have not been able to do what I wanted to do. I have had to work for other people in places where things were made difficult because there is a lack of basic common sense.
Anyone looking to find a way to move on with their lives, make their life better for themselves and their families, make that step. Take the path that will lead you to where you want to be. If you want to work your way through the company you work for, make changes in how you view your job, take it seriously and ask what you need to do to advance within the company. If you are just out of high school and many years past, like I was, and have thought about going back to school, do it. If you want to go to school to help with advancing in your current job, do it.
Believe in yourself and work towards what you want to become.
Saturday, July 1, 2017
My Grandson
My grandson on his birth day. The whole day was long and fairly uneventful, as far as births go anyway.
He is the sweetest baby, when he isn't screaming about needing a diaper change or a bottle. He is now almost two months old. He is smiling more and more every day. He is holding his head up longer and longer every day but still has his "drunk baby" moments. He is pretty expressive with his eyebrows and I think he will be a hand talker. I've never seen a baby use their hand as much as this little guy does. He uses his legs a lot, I suspect that he'll go from crawling to running in a short amount of time. He already has a couple favorite toys, a rattle and some color plastic links. He wakes up happy then gets cranky and wants to nap on someone for a bit.
Him being here was not suppose to happen right now, he was not planned and there was a lot of uncertainty surrounding the whole situation. Now that he is here though, everyone feels drastically different. He has caused many sleepless nights the cost of clothes is crazy, thankfully a lot of necessities were received at the baby shower. At this point we have had to put some money into diapers and clothes but for the most part he is set up for a bit before our out of pockets cost go up.
In the long run, we don't know what will happen with a lot of things but we are all glad he is here. He has helped us to all be more calm and relaxed, working to keep a less stressed house for everyones sake.
I was unsure about having a grandchild. I was unsure about being called grandma, but I couldn't think of anything better, so grandma it is. My daughter told me that he wouldn't like me very much because before birth he didn't move much when I was in the room. This little guy loves me as much as I love him. We talk and snuggle on the couch and he likes to spits up on my shoulder, when it isn't covered with a blanket. I am so glad he is here.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Working With Your Children
Why would anyone want to work with their children, if they were not running their own business?
I have asked myself this question a few times over the last year. When my oldest began working with me it was because she found out she was pregnant and needed a different job and she was able to get one at the store I worked at, however, I was not willing to drive more in order for her to get back and forth to work. She moved in with me. She is still living with me.
My youngest daughter has been home from college since the beginning of May. She has applied for multiple jobs, nothing came of it. She applied where I currently work and was hired.
Now to answer the question: It's not that I WANT to work with my children, it's been a matter of necessity, for them and that can help me as well. My oldest needed something to help her prepare for the new baby, without a car of her own it was going to be difficult for her to get back and forth. My youngest needs a job so she can prepare to go back to college in August. Working with me now allows her the chance to make good money, work descent hours and pay for her own things so I don't have.
Working with my youngest though, she is difficult at home and I know how she is, trying to keep that from happening at work is a bit of a chore. Day one of her new job we ended up working 13.5 hours, day two 9.10 and day three was 7.02 hours. Her motivation at this point is the pay check. Every day she asked me how much she has made for the day, before taxes. She wants to keep track of what she makes and plan out what she can buy for school, when she can get her drivers license and change her last name.
Working with your children is not always an ideal situation, I've struggled slightly with not treating her like her my daughter and treating her like an employee. She finds it weird to call me by my first name so she is still calling me mom, which is fine with me, it would be odd to hear her call me by my first name.
If you have to work with your child and it's not in your own business, I highly recommend that you try to work in different areas, work different shifts if possible. I also recommend that you not be in an authoritative position over your own child, there is a fine line between between acting like relatives and coworkers. Fortunately I am not in an authoritative position over my daughter. I can teach her my job and about how the various stores work but it is not my job to tell her what to do. She knows that having this job and doing a good will reflect on me, good and bad, so far she is doing pretty good. A lack of understanding this job, so far, has created some frustration for her but she is only going to be working with me until she has to go back to school, in August.
Working with your children may not be what you want, but if it is for a short time and can help them become a bit more financially independent then I would recommend it.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Being The Bigger Person & Taking The High Road
Nope, this is not about weight or height. This is about when being the bigger persons means you allow someone to do something or be someplace, when you don't really want them there.
I have been divorced for nearly six years. Getting a divorce has been the best decision I had made in a long time. I got married at 19, I wouldn't recommend doing it though. The first baby came when I was 22, there was a miscarriage when I was about 26 (my son, Alexander) and the third baby was born when I was 27.
One thing you learn and actually understand as you get older, is that picking your battles is extremely important, if you want to live a fairly stress free life. Fairly early in my marriage I began taking stock of myself. What was I doing that was creating problems or keeping problems from being resolved? Was I willing to compromise or was I demanding that everything go the way I wanted it too? These are hard questions to ask yourself and it's harder to actually answer them honestly and then do something about it.
You might be wondering why I began asking myself these kinds of questions and what I did about it. I think it started with a conversation with my mother. She informed me that if I lost weight, he might want to spend more time with me. I'm sure that her intentions were good but that was the wrong thing to say. My weight had nothing to do with our problems.
*What was I doing that was creating problems?
Answer: I was a huge nag, I didn't even realize I was nagging. When I stopped and looked at how I was behaving, I was a huge nag, so I stopped. I still asked him to do some things for me but I didn't hound him like I did before.
*What was I doing that kept problems from being resolved?
Answer: In the beginning, it was me being a nag. After I stopped nagging all the time, it was my inability to let things go.
* Was I willing to compromise:
Answer: For the most part, yes I was. I have always been willing to compromise, as long as it was a fair compromise.
*Was I being to demanding?
Answer: At times, yes I was.
*How did I make the changes?
Answer: I made the decision to not nag. I made the decision to work towards resolving the problem. I made the decision to keep compromising fair for all involved. I made the decision to not be demanding.
*What did I learn from asking and answering these questions?
Answer: I learned that it didn't matter how hard I worked to not nag, when I asked him to do something for me, he always said he would and then months would go by before he did it. Then he would do it, only after I made attempts and if they didn't work I would get upset and have to yell to finally get the help I asked for and waited months to get. I learned that I wasn't keeping things from being resolved because I didn't let them go but because I wasn't making my wants and needs as important as his so he wasn't taking me seriously. I learned that compromising as much as I did made something worse. I was expected to be the one to let go of what I wanted or needed in order to keep the peace between us. I learned that what I was demanding was the same respect that I was giving.
Back to the main point, being the bigger person. As I got older and asked those questions and answered them, I realized that everything I was dealing with was just as much about him as it was me but I needed to be the bigger person, I needed to be willing to walk away in order to keep my own sanity. I made the decision to walk away from a 20 year marriage because I realized that he wasn't willing to make the same kinds of changes that I was. He didn't even notice that I made any changes, that spoke volumes about our marriage.
Through moving out, getting the girls adjusted to a new way of life, sort of, and then divorcing, I always thought I was doing okay, until I realized I wasn't. I was glad to be away from the fighting, the cigarette and beer stench that seemed to be everywhere. I realized that I was missing having someone else there, an adult. I also realized that what I was living with was not healthy for my physical and mental health. I had to let go of the pain, anger, frustration. I had to let him and the memories go. I had to be the bigger person and stop the fighting, stop the anger and get rid of the frustration, for myself and my children.
At the time of this writing my daughter is at home, her father came over with his wife to meet the baby. I don't know how it's going and it's killing me. I don't trust him, I don't trust his wife, with good reason and I don't want either of them to push my daughter to the point where she doubts herself and how she is doing as a mom. I'm being told that everything went okay at home, I'm glad for that. It took a lot for me to allow them in my house, especially with me not being there. Even though he will not ever be able to truly admit the things that I have, I had to be the bigger person and allow my daughter the chance to try and have a relationship with her father. I don't know if it will continue but I had to give her this chance.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Working and Living
Yesterday I lost my job. It was a second, part time job, I worked 10 hours a week when I was there, for minimum wage ($8.90/hr). Part of me feels bad but a bigger part of me does not. I started that job a little over a year ago, the store I started at closed and I went to another store, I was tired of it and the people there were not very friendly. I cut my hours down because I began working first shift at a higher paying job and I did not want to work seven days a week again, that is very hard to do for a long period of time.
I have worked two jobs more than once. If you can balance out two jobs and life outside of work, great, I felt like I was missing so much, mainly sleep. With the new baby (post about him coming soon!), and having both of my girls home right now, I want to spend time with them as much as possible because things will be changing sooner than later.
I want to make a suggestion to whoever may read this, if you don't like your job, please make sure that you find a new job first. As I said, this was a part time second job, the amount I made barely covered gas each week. There is a good chance I will find something closer to home though, and I always has the option of driving for Lyft as well.
Don't be too proud to take a job because you feel it is beneath you, don't be too proud to take help from those who are willing to give it. I just completed an application for an Obama phone. I cannot afford to keep my Sprint service on, it's currently been off for a couple months. I'm waiting for my finances to balance out so I can pay off the bill and leases and drop Sprint completely for a different service, one that won't charge my $300 a month.
Do what you need to do, legally, to take care of yourself and your family, if you have one. If you have to work two jobs and use an Obama phone then do it, there is nothing wrong with getting help, until you don't need it anymore.
I don't want to have to work for ever, I would like to retire at some point in my life and travel, but for right now, I have to work and get the remaining working years of my life set up so that I can retire and not be left struggling, still.
My is to pay everything and only have my regular monthly bills to deal with and have money in the bank and growing for me through investments. My goal is to travel, through hard work now, I can make that happen.
Make the decision for your life, when you are young, to do what you enjoy, it's still work but if you enjoy it then it will be a little easier for you. Plan for your future, start a 401k, make good investments with your money, put your needs before your wants, most of the time but remember to have fun once in awhile too.
Ways to help save money while working, if you are willing to put in the extra time and work; grow some of your own foods, like fruits and veggies. Container gardening is pretty big, if you have the space, give it a shot. Make your meals at home and freeze them for later (I've done this off and on for years), there is less processed stuff when you make your own meals.
If you don't know how to cook, learn. Ask friends or family to help or take some classes. It's pretty simple, you just need to know how to follow a recipe.
I have worked two jobs more than once. If you can balance out two jobs and life outside of work, great, I felt like I was missing so much, mainly sleep. With the new baby (post about him coming soon!), and having both of my girls home right now, I want to spend time with them as much as possible because things will be changing sooner than later.
I want to make a suggestion to whoever may read this, if you don't like your job, please make sure that you find a new job first. As I said, this was a part time second job, the amount I made barely covered gas each week. There is a good chance I will find something closer to home though, and I always has the option of driving for Lyft as well.
Don't be too proud to take a job because you feel it is beneath you, don't be too proud to take help from those who are willing to give it. I just completed an application for an Obama phone. I cannot afford to keep my Sprint service on, it's currently been off for a couple months. I'm waiting for my finances to balance out so I can pay off the bill and leases and drop Sprint completely for a different service, one that won't charge my $300 a month.
Do what you need to do, legally, to take care of yourself and your family, if you have one. If you have to work two jobs and use an Obama phone then do it, there is nothing wrong with getting help, until you don't need it anymore.
I don't want to have to work for ever, I would like to retire at some point in my life and travel, but for right now, I have to work and get the remaining working years of my life set up so that I can retire and not be left struggling, still.
My is to pay everything and only have my regular monthly bills to deal with and have money in the bank and growing for me through investments. My goal is to travel, through hard work now, I can make that happen.
Make the decision for your life, when you are young, to do what you enjoy, it's still work but if you enjoy it then it will be a little easier for you. Plan for your future, start a 401k, make good investments with your money, put your needs before your wants, most of the time but remember to have fun once in awhile too.
Ways to help save money while working, if you are willing to put in the extra time and work; grow some of your own foods, like fruits and veggies. Container gardening is pretty big, if you have the space, give it a shot. Make your meals at home and freeze them for later (I've done this off and on for years), there is less processed stuff when you make your own meals.
If you don't know how to cook, learn. Ask friends or family to help or take some classes. It's pretty simple, you just need to know how to follow a recipe.
Friday, June 2, 2017
Greenville, Pennsylvania
At the time of this writing, since March 2016 I have made seven trips to and from Greenville, PA. This is only a six hour drive but it feels like it is taking a lot longer. Ohio is horrible, construction is worse than in Michigan.
Jenyfer, my youngest daughter, applied and was accepted to Thiel College in 2016. March 2016 was her orientation and then we made trips in August for move in day, November for Thanksgiving and December for Christmas break. In January 2017 we came back because Christmas break ended and then in May the trip was made for the end of the year pick up day. That weekend did not go well, mom came with me, the whole weekend was a disaster. It ended with having to get a storage unit for half of Jenyfers things because we couldn't fit everything in moms car.
Now I'm here again, Jenyfer has a job that she committed too, it requires her to be here twice in June and once in July and then of course we have move in day in August for her Sophomore year. It just keeps going and going. At this point Jenyfer is not sure if she will stay in Pennsylvania after she graduates or if she will come back to Michigan. This trip we were able to pick up the rest of Jenyfers things from the storage unit. Thankfully it all fit in my car.
If you have children and they are planning to go to college, make sure they stick close to home or have a good car of their own to drive back and forth so you don't have to make the trip for each break, drop off or pick up, this is exhausting.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Stress Levels
Everyone deals with stress every day of their lives, in one way or another. Unless you are living off the grid, in the wilderness, you are probably dealing with all kinds of stress; financial, housing, work, family, neighbors, the list can go on and on if you break it down.
Some times stress can be relieved, for a short period of time but enjoying a drink or two, not my first choice but it's always an option. Financial stress can be taken care of by adjusting how they spend the money they have coming in. Housing, well this goes along with the financial aspect, keeping your finances in order will help keep your housing. Work stress can be released at the end of the day, this is difficult but it can be done. Neighbors, well, that's a tough one, if you're not getting along with your neighbors then it's probably best to avoid them. Family is hard to deal with for many reasons, do your best to not pick fights or cause problems and hopefully they will have enough respect to do the same.
What about stress when it comes to dealing with your emotions. Emotion stress is probably the hardest thing to deal with, it is possible though. One thing you need to be able to do is look at yourself, honestly and with an open mind about how you behave towards others and how you react to conflict.
When you suffer from mental and emotional problems, controlling your emotions can be even harder. One thing I had a reminder of recently, is that when you are so stressed that you are shaking, you pass that stress on to others, including babies. Babies, as most people know, react to stress by crying, scratching themselves, not eating or sleeping, there could be other ways but that is what I have seen first hand.
I think it is important to get help for yourself, if you suffer from emotional problems, whether it's depression, anxiety, panic attacks or you have been through any type of abuse; physical, mental, emotional, sexual, you need to get help. You need to talk to someone, find a way to deal with what happened, to find a way to work through the feeling when you feel something happening. Learning coping techniques could help in multiple situations that you find yourself in throughout your days.
What I recently saw was someone who does not know how to deal with an abusive father. In person contact has not happened for many years, the father has shown very little interest, but yet the son allows the father and his past abuses to dominate his life. He spends his time wanting things from his father that he will never get and he refuses to see that he is allowing his father to run his life. He uses his anxiety and depression to get what he wants from others, sympathy, attention, for others to feel sorry for him. When he was told that he cannot see the baby when he is that stressed, his first option was to NOT see the baby for a week. He sees the baby 4-5 hours each visit, once a week and does not think he can use the other six days to effectively work on dealing with his problems.
If your problems are that serious, you need to be in therapy, you need to put a sufficient amount of time into learning to cope and deal with your problems in ways that will help keep them from running your life. If you suffer from anxiety, depression, panic attacks, have been abused in any way, get help, do not put it off any longer, get the help, whether it's through medication or just talking to someone or both, seek help.
How do you deal with the stress?
Some times stress can be relieved, for a short period of time but enjoying a drink or two, not my first choice but it's always an option. Financial stress can be taken care of by adjusting how they spend the money they have coming in. Housing, well this goes along with the financial aspect, keeping your finances in order will help keep your housing. Work stress can be released at the end of the day, this is difficult but it can be done. Neighbors, well, that's a tough one, if you're not getting along with your neighbors then it's probably best to avoid them. Family is hard to deal with for many reasons, do your best to not pick fights or cause problems and hopefully they will have enough respect to do the same.
What about stress when it comes to dealing with your emotions. Emotion stress is probably the hardest thing to deal with, it is possible though. One thing you need to be able to do is look at yourself, honestly and with an open mind about how you behave towards others and how you react to conflict.
When you suffer from mental and emotional problems, controlling your emotions can be even harder. One thing I had a reminder of recently, is that when you are so stressed that you are shaking, you pass that stress on to others, including babies. Babies, as most people know, react to stress by crying, scratching themselves, not eating or sleeping, there could be other ways but that is what I have seen first hand.
I think it is important to get help for yourself, if you suffer from emotional problems, whether it's depression, anxiety, panic attacks or you have been through any type of abuse; physical, mental, emotional, sexual, you need to get help. You need to talk to someone, find a way to deal with what happened, to find a way to work through the feeling when you feel something happening. Learning coping techniques could help in multiple situations that you find yourself in throughout your days.
What I recently saw was someone who does not know how to deal with an abusive father. In person contact has not happened for many years, the father has shown very little interest, but yet the son allows the father and his past abuses to dominate his life. He spends his time wanting things from his father that he will never get and he refuses to see that he is allowing his father to run his life. He uses his anxiety and depression to get what he wants from others, sympathy, attention, for others to feel sorry for him. When he was told that he cannot see the baby when he is that stressed, his first option was to NOT see the baby for a week. He sees the baby 4-5 hours each visit, once a week and does not think he can use the other six days to effectively work on dealing with his problems.
If your problems are that serious, you need to be in therapy, you need to put a sufficient amount of time into learning to cope and deal with your problems in ways that will help keep them from running your life. If you suffer from anxiety, depression, panic attacks, have been abused in any way, get help, do not put it off any longer, get the help, whether it's through medication or just talking to someone or both, seek help.
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Child Support
I saw a post about this topic on Facebook this morning. There seems to be some misconceptions about what child support is, and how it is or should be used, according to some people that have to pay it. I have to laugh to myself when I see posts or hear comments about those paying child support and how they don't like how the receiving parent is using the money they pay.
There are many reasons why a marriage falls apart; adultery from either side, physical, mental or emotional abuse or all three, one partner not really wanting to be there. There are many more reasons, it depends on the people, their feelings and whether or not they want too and are willing to put the time and effort into making the marriage work.
When a marriage falls apart, and if kids are involved, it can get messy. One parents feels the other is not good enough, one parent feels they should not have to pay child support if the other chooses to leave.
Child support typically is paid to the mother, from the father, however, it can also be paid by the mother to the father, every situation is different. My comments are directed to those that pay child support and have their idea of how that money should be used and to share my experience with being on the receiving end of child support and the anger that was thrown at me because he felt he should not have to help support his children financially.
What my ex said "his money" should be used for; whatever the kids want to spend it on. The kids should be given hundreds of dollars a month to buy whatever they want, "his money" should not be used to pay bills or buy anything that I will use. What he said I should NOT spend "his money" on; my car payment (which I did not have), gas, anything for myself or household things.
What I spent MY money on from my both of my jobs; auto gas, auto/renters insurance, heat and electric, food for everyone, clothes for everyone, cellphones, house phone, cable, internet, school field trips, spending for said school field trips, all school supplies, school yearbooks, school dances and all that goes with them; hair, nails, dresses, shoes, food, spending money if going out afterwards. Pets and their needs, because the kids wanted pets. Replacing or repairing broken things because kids and pets are kids and pets and things some times need to be replaced/repaired. Cleaning products to give everyone a clean place to live, personal items (girls need a lot of those). Vacations; we took two family vacations during a 20 year marriage, he had multiple "hunting vacations" throughout the marriage, which each cost hundreds of dollars, to sit in the woods, can anyone explain how $800+ disappears while sitting in the woods?
What I spent "his money" on each week or month; whatever my money did not cover and most of the time, what he paid did not cover the remaining balances of anything 100%. And once in awhile we went out to eat too, we always said Thank You before we sat down to eat though, always be polite. 😺
I currently have no savings because 100% of my money, still from both jobs, goes back to the household and trying to keep our home, food on the table and utilities turned on. I have traded in Dish Network for Hulu and Netflix, in order to save money and still allow us something to watch. I gave up my income tax return in 2016 to catch up on bills and I gave up the vacation we wanted so my youngest could have her wisdom teeth removed. I have continually sacrificed things that I want so that I can provide what was needed, first.
Look at this this way; if the parents were still together, they would be paying for everything together. If the parents were still together there would be half the bills and in some cases, two incomes so the financial aspect of paying for a household and all that entails would be much cheaper and half the cost of living apart. Just because a marriage ends, it does not mean that the needs of the children end. The needs of the children are always there and until the children are able to be provide for themselves, it is the parents responsibility to take care of the children.
Let me add this...the mothers that are able too but refuse to work and expect the father to cover ALL their bills and then refuse the father the right to see his children, I do not condone or agree with that. The parent that chooses to not work to avoid paying child support, I do not condone or agree with that. Parents that make the choice to see their children do not have a right to complain, because it is their choice. Parents that try to turn their children again the other parents are not right and doing more harm than good.
I am not the perfect parent, by any means and I have never claimed to be. I have not always done everything "the right way" but I have always tried to do what was best for my children. I have encouraged a relationship between my kids and their father, before and after the marriage was over. Kids, like adults, reach a point where they are tired of being lied too, having promises broken and their basic needs and feelings devalued and ignored.
If you are going through a marriage falling apart and have to pay child support, don't assume that YOUR children no longer need your help, don't assume that your ex will not take care of the children in the same they did before the break up. If one parent was not a good parent to begin with then you need to ensure that your children are taken care of by the best parent. Do not lie about one parents parenting skills, just to be mean. Always be the good example for your children. Show your children that even though their parents are no longer living in the same house, with them, as a family, they can still have a family that gets along and knows how to be nice to each other.
There are many reasons why a marriage falls apart; adultery from either side, physical, mental or emotional abuse or all three, one partner not really wanting to be there. There are many more reasons, it depends on the people, their feelings and whether or not they want too and are willing to put the time and effort into making the marriage work.
When a marriage falls apart, and if kids are involved, it can get messy. One parents feels the other is not good enough, one parent feels they should not have to pay child support if the other chooses to leave.
Child support typically is paid to the mother, from the father, however, it can also be paid by the mother to the father, every situation is different. My comments are directed to those that pay child support and have their idea of how that money should be used and to share my experience with being on the receiving end of child support and the anger that was thrown at me because he felt he should not have to help support his children financially.
What my ex said "his money" should be used for; whatever the kids want to spend it on. The kids should be given hundreds of dollars a month to buy whatever they want, "his money" should not be used to pay bills or buy anything that I will use. What he said I should NOT spend "his money" on; my car payment (which I did not have), gas, anything for myself or household things.
What I spent MY money on from my both of my jobs; auto gas, auto/renters insurance, heat and electric, food for everyone, clothes for everyone, cellphones, house phone, cable, internet, school field trips, spending for said school field trips, all school supplies, school yearbooks, school dances and all that goes with them; hair, nails, dresses, shoes, food, spending money if going out afterwards. Pets and their needs, because the kids wanted pets. Replacing or repairing broken things because kids and pets are kids and pets and things some times need to be replaced/repaired. Cleaning products to give everyone a clean place to live, personal items (girls need a lot of those). Vacations; we took two family vacations during a 20 year marriage, he had multiple "hunting vacations" throughout the marriage, which each cost hundreds of dollars, to sit in the woods, can anyone explain how $800+ disappears while sitting in the woods?
What I spent "his money" on each week or month; whatever my money did not cover and most of the time, what he paid did not cover the remaining balances of anything 100%. And once in awhile we went out to eat too, we always said Thank You before we sat down to eat though, always be polite. 😺
I currently have no savings because 100% of my money, still from both jobs, goes back to the household and trying to keep our home, food on the table and utilities turned on. I have traded in Dish Network for Hulu and Netflix, in order to save money and still allow us something to watch. I gave up my income tax return in 2016 to catch up on bills and I gave up the vacation we wanted so my youngest could have her wisdom teeth removed. I have continually sacrificed things that I want so that I can provide what was needed, first.
Look at this this way; if the parents were still together, they would be paying for everything together. If the parents were still together there would be half the bills and in some cases, two incomes so the financial aspect of paying for a household and all that entails would be much cheaper and half the cost of living apart. Just because a marriage ends, it does not mean that the needs of the children end. The needs of the children are always there and until the children are able to be provide for themselves, it is the parents responsibility to take care of the children.
Let me add this...the mothers that are able too but refuse to work and expect the father to cover ALL their bills and then refuse the father the right to see his children, I do not condone or agree with that. The parent that chooses to not work to avoid paying child support, I do not condone or agree with that. Parents that make the choice to see their children do not have a right to complain, because it is their choice. Parents that try to turn their children again the other parents are not right and doing more harm than good.
I am not the perfect parent, by any means and I have never claimed to be. I have not always done everything "the right way" but I have always tried to do what was best for my children. I have encouraged a relationship between my kids and their father, before and after the marriage was over. Kids, like adults, reach a point where they are tired of being lied too, having promises broken and their basic needs and feelings devalued and ignored.
If you are going through a marriage falling apart and have to pay child support, don't assume that YOUR children no longer need your help, don't assume that your ex will not take care of the children in the same they did before the break up. If one parent was not a good parent to begin with then you need to ensure that your children are taken care of by the best parent. Do not lie about one parents parenting skills, just to be mean. Always be the good example for your children. Show your children that even though their parents are no longer living in the same house, with them, as a family, they can still have a family that gets along and knows how to be nice to each other.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
A Little About Me
I was born in March 1971, in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I have two sisters through my mom and three brothers and two sisters through my dad. I don't see any of them nearly enough.
I was married for 20 years, before I decided to move on to a life with a lot less fighting, frustration and conflict. Although my marriage did not last for my life, I did get two beautiful daughters from it.
I have my Associates in Elementary Education and Bachelor's in Business. I will be starting my Master's in Counseling in August.
I have worn many hats in my life; daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, friend, grandmother, cook, maid, chauffeur, laundress boss, company pee-on, and team lead. I am sure that I will wear many more hats in the years to come.
My oldest daughter had her son, Aloysius J.Rheid, on May 5, 2017, Cinco de Mayo, I see big parties in his future. He is the sweetest baby, except when he is angry, hungry, wet or tired, which thankfully is not all the time. He makes eye contact when we talk to him and he is starting to smile more.
I am also a budding photographer, although, I am not able to get out as much as I would like. I am planning to do family photos for my daughter soon. I also love doing Genealogy research, though life has gotten in the way, I will get back to it again, soon. I love to cook and bake for my family but I don't like the clean up part. I have two cats Bellatrix and Luna, Bellatrix behaves much like her namesake and so does Luna. If you know Harry Potter, then you know what I mean.
I was married for 20 years, before I decided to move on to a life with a lot less fighting, frustration and conflict. Although my marriage did not last for my life, I did get two beautiful daughters from it.
I have my Associates in Elementary Education and Bachelor's in Business. I will be starting my Master's in Counseling in August.
I have worn many hats in my life; daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, friend, grandmother, cook, maid, chauffeur, laundress boss, company pee-on, and team lead. I am sure that I will wear many more hats in the years to come.
My oldest daughter had her son, Aloysius J.Rheid, on May 5, 2017, Cinco de Mayo, I see big parties in his future. He is the sweetest baby, except when he is angry, hungry, wet or tired, which thankfully is not all the time. He makes eye contact when we talk to him and he is starting to smile more.
I am also a budding photographer, although, I am not able to get out as much as I would like. I am planning to do family photos for my daughter soon. I also love doing Genealogy research, though life has gotten in the way, I will get back to it again, soon. I love to cook and bake for my family but I don't like the clean up part. I have two cats Bellatrix and Luna, Bellatrix behaves much like her namesake and so does Luna. If you know Harry Potter, then you know what I mean.
Spring Break 2014
Driving through Pennsylvania. So many beautiful views through the whole state.
We had a short stay in Maryland. We visited a few places and had lunch at Mongolian BBQ.
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| Final destination was Washington D.C. Beautiful Cherry Blossoms in full bloom |
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