Working With Your Children

Why would anyone want to work with their children, if they were not running their own business? 

     I have asked myself this question a few times over the last year. When my oldest began working with me it was because she found out she was pregnant and needed a different job and she was able to get one at the store I worked at, however, I was not willing to drive more in order for her to get back and forth to work. She moved in with me. She is still living with me. 

     My youngest daughter has been home from college since the beginning of May. She has applied for multiple jobs, nothing came of it. She applied where I currently work and was hired. 

     Now to answer the question: It's not that I WANT to work with my children, it's been a matter of necessity, for them and that can help me as well. My oldest needed something to help her prepare for the new baby, without a car of her own it was going to be difficult for her to get back and forth. My youngest needs a job so she can prepare to go back to college in August. Working with me now allows her the chance to make good money, work descent hours and pay for her own things so I don't have. 

     Working with my youngest though, she is difficult at home and I know how she is, trying to keep that from happening at work is a bit of a chore. Day one of her new job we ended up working 13.5 hours, day two 9.10 and day three was 7.02 hours. Her motivation at this point is the pay check. Every day she asked me how much she has made for the day, before taxes. She wants to keep track of what she makes and plan out what she can buy for school, when she can get her drivers license and change her last name. 

     Working with your children is not always an ideal situation, I've struggled slightly with not treating her like her my daughter and treating her like an employee. She finds it weird to call me by my first name so she is still calling me mom, which is fine with me, it would be odd to hear her call me by my first name. 

     If you have to work with your child and it's not in your own business, I highly recommend that you try to work in different areas, work different shifts if possible. I also recommend that you not be in an authoritative position over your own child, there is a fine line between between acting like relatives and coworkers. Fortunately I am not in an authoritative position over my daughter. I can teach her my job and about how the various stores work but it is not my job to tell her what to do. She knows that having this job and doing a good will reflect on me, good and bad, so far she is doing pretty good. A lack of understanding this job, so far, has created some frustration for her but she is only going to be working with me until she has to go back to school, in August. 

     Working with your children may not be what you want, but if it is for a short time and can help them become a bit more financially independent then I would recommend it. 

Being The Bigger Person & Taking The High Road

     Nope, this is not about weight or height. This is about when being the bigger persons means you allow someone to do something or be someplace, when you don't really want them there. 

     I have been divorced for nearly six years. Getting a divorce has been the best decision I had made in a long time. I got married at 19, I wouldn't recommend doing it though. The first baby came when I was 22, there was a miscarriage when I was about 26 (my son, Alexander) and the third baby was born when I was 27. 

 

     One thing you learn and actually understand as you get older, is that picking your battles is extremely important, if you want to live a fairly stress free life. Fairly early in my marriage I began taking stock of myself. What was I doing that was creating problems or keeping problems from being resolved? Was I willing to compromise or was I demanding that everything go the way I wanted it too? These are hard questions to ask yourself and it's harder to actually answer them honestly and then do something about it. 

     You might be wondering why I began asking myself these kinds of questions and what I did about it. I think it started with a conversation with my mother. She informed me that if I lost weight, he might want to spend more time with me. I'm sure that her intentions were good but that was the wrong thing to say. My weight had nothing to do with our problems. 

*What was I doing that was creating problems? 

Answer: I was a huge nag, I didn't even realize I was nagging. When I stopped and looked at how I was behaving, I was a huge nag, so I stopped. I still asked him to do some things for me but I didn't hound him like I did before. 

*What was I doing that kept problems from being resolved? 

Answer: In the beginning, it was me being a nag. After I stopped nagging all the time, it was my inability to let things go. 

* Was I willing to compromise:

Answer: For the most part, yes I was. I have always been willing to compromise, as long as it was a fair compromise.

*Was I being to demanding?

Answer: At times, yes I was. 

*How did I make the changes?

Answer: I made the decision to not nag. I made the decision to work towards resolving the problem. I made the decision to keep compromising fair for all involved. I made the decision to not be demanding. 

*What did I learn from asking and answering these questions?

Answer: I learned that it didn't matter how hard I worked to not nag, when I asked him to do something for me, he always said he would and then months would go by before he did it. Then he would do it, only after I made attempts and if they didn't work I would get upset and have to yell to finally get the help I asked for and waited months to get. I learned that I wasn't keeping things from being resolved because I didn't let them go but because I wasn't making my wants and needs as important as his so he wasn't taking me seriously. I learned that compromising as much as I did made something worse. I was expected to be the one to let go of what I wanted or needed in order to keep the peace between us. I learned that what I was demanding was the same respect that I was giving. 

     Back to the main point, being the bigger person. As I got older and asked those questions and answered them, I realized that everything I was dealing with was just as much about him as it was me but I needed to be the bigger person, I needed to be willing to walk away in order to keep my own sanity. I made the decision to walk away from a 20 year marriage because I realized that he wasn't willing to make the same kinds of changes that I was. He didn't even notice that I made any changes, that spoke volumes about our marriage. 

     Through moving out, getting the girls adjusted to a new way of life, sort of, and then divorcing, I always thought I was doing okay, until I realized I wasn't. I was glad to be away from the fighting, the cigarette and beer stench that seemed to be everywhere. I realized that I was missing having someone else there, an adult. I also realized that what I was living with was not healthy for my physical and mental health. I had to let go of the pain, anger, frustration. I had to let him and the memories go. I had to be the bigger person and stop the fighting, stop the anger and get rid of the frustration, for myself and my children. 

     At the time of this writing my daughter is at home, her father came over with his wife to meet the baby. I don't know how it's going and it's killing me. I don't trust him, I don't trust his wife, with good reason and I don't want either of them to push my daughter to the point where she doubts herself and how she is doing as a mom. I'm being told that everything went okay at home, I'm glad for that. It took a lot for me to allow them in my house, especially with me not being there. Even though he will not ever be able to truly admit the things that I have, I had to be the bigger person and allow my daughter the chance to try and have a relationship with her father. I don't know if it will continue but I had to give her this chance. 

Working and Living

     Yesterday I lost my job. It was a second, part time job, I worked 10 hours a week when I was there, for minimum wage ($8.90/hr). Part of me feels bad but a bigger part of me does not. I started that job a little over a year ago, the store I started at closed and I went to another store, I was tired of it and the people there were not very friendly. I cut my hours down because I began working first shift at a higher paying job and I did not want to work seven days a week again, that is very hard to do for a long period of time.

     I have worked two jobs more than once. If you can balance out two jobs and life outside of work, great, I felt like I was missing so much, mainly sleep. With the new baby (post about him coming soon!), and having both of my girls home right now, I want to spend time with them as much as possible because things will be changing sooner than later.
 
     I want to make a suggestion to whoever may read this, if you don't like your job, please make sure that you find a new job first. As I said, this was a part time second job, the amount I made barely covered gas each week. There is a good chance I will find something closer to home though, and I always has the option of driving for Lyft as well.

Don't be too proud to take a job because you feel it is beneath you, don't be too proud to take help from those who are willing to give it. I just completed an application for an Obama phone. I cannot afford to keep my Sprint service on, it's currently been off for a couple months. I'm waiting for my finances to balance out so I can pay off the bill and leases and drop Sprint completely for a different service, one that won't charge my $300 a month.

     Do what you need to do, legally, to take care of yourself and your family, if you have one. If you have to work two jobs and use an Obama phone then do it, there is nothing wrong with getting help, until you don't need it anymore.

     I don't want to have to work for ever, I would like to retire at some point in my life and travel, but for right now, I have to work and get the remaining working years of my life set up so that I can retire and not be left struggling, still.

     My  is to pay everything and only have my regular monthly bills to deal with and have money in the bank and growing for me through investments. My goal is to travel, through hard work now, I can make that happen.

     Make the decision for your life, when you are young, to do what you enjoy, it's still work but if you enjoy it then it will be a little easier for you. Plan for your future, start a 401k, make good investments with your money, put your needs before your wants, most of the time but remember to have fun once in awhile too.

     Ways to help save money while working, if you are willing to put in the extra time and work; grow some of your own foods, like fruits and veggies.  Container gardening is pretty big, if you have the space, give it a shot. Make your meals at home and freeze them for later (I've done this off and on for years), there is less processed stuff when you make your own meals.

     If you don't know how to cook, learn. Ask friends or family to help or take some classes. It's pretty simple, you just need to know how to follow a recipe.

Greenville, Pennsylvania

At the time of this writing, since March 2016 I have made seven trips to and from Greenville, PA. This is only a six hour drive but it feels like it is taking a lot longer. Ohio is horrible, construction is worse than in Michigan.  

Jenyfer, my youngest daughter, applied and was accepted to Thiel College in 2016. March 2016 was her orientation and then we made trips in August for move in day, November for Thanksgiving and December for Christmas break. In January 2017 we came back because Christmas break ended and then in May the trip was made for the end of the year pick up day. That weekend did not go well, mom came with me, the whole weekend was a disaster. It ended with having to get a storage unit for half of Jenyfers things because we couldn't fit everything in moms car.  

Now I'm here again, Jenyfer has a job that she committed too, it requires her to be here twice in June and once in July and then of course we have move in day in August for her Sophomore year. It just keeps going and going. At this point Jenyfer is not sure if she will stay in Pennsylvania after she graduates or if she will come back to Michigan. This trip we were able to pick up the rest of Jenyfers things from the storage unit. Thankfully it all fit in my car. 

If you have children and they are planning to go to college, make sure they stick close to home or have a good car of their own to drive back and forth so you don't have to make the trip for each break, drop off or pick up, this is exhausting.