Stress Levels

Everyone deals with stress every day of their lives, in one way or another. Unless you are living off the grid, in the wilderness, you are probably dealing with all kinds of stress; financial, housing, work, family, neighbors, the list can go on and on if you break it down.

        How do you deal with the stress? 

Some times stress can be relieved, for a short period of time but enjoying a drink or two, not my first choice but it's always an option. Financial stress can be taken care of by adjusting how they spend the money they have coming in. Housing, well this goes along with the financial aspect, keeping your finances in order will help keep your housing. Work stress can be released at the end of the day, this is difficult but it can be done. Neighbors, well, that's a tough one, if you're not getting along with your neighbors then it's probably best to avoid them. Family is hard to deal with for many reasons, do your best to not pick fights or cause problems and hopefully they will have enough respect to do the same.

What about stress when it comes to dealing with your emotions. Emotion stress is probably the hardest thing to deal with, it is possible though. One thing you need to be able to do is look at yourself, honestly and with an open mind about how you behave towards others and how you react to conflict.

When you suffer from mental and emotional problems, controlling your emotions can be even harder. One thing I had a reminder of recently, is that when you are so stressed that you are shaking,  you pass that stress on to others, including babies. Babies, as most people know, react to stress by crying, scratching themselves, not eating or sleeping, there could be other ways but that is what I have seen first hand.

I think it is important to get help for yourself, if you suffer from emotional problems, whether it's depression, anxiety, panic attacks or you have been through any type of abuse; physical, mental, emotional, sexual, you need to get help. You need to talk to someone, find a way to deal with what happened, to find a way to work through the feeling when you feel something happening. Learning coping techniques could help in multiple situations that you find yourself in throughout your days.

What I recently saw was someone who does not know how to deal with an abusive father. In person contact has not happened for many years, the father has shown very little interest, but yet the son allows the father and his past abuses to dominate his life. He spends his time wanting things from his father that he will never get and he refuses to see that he is allowing his father to run his life. He uses his anxiety and depression to get what he wants from others, sympathy, attention, for others to feel sorry for him. When he was told that he cannot see the baby when he is that stressed, his first option was to NOT see the baby for a week. He sees the baby 4-5 hours each visit, once a week and does not think he can use the other six days to effectively work on dealing with his problems.

If your problems are that serious, you need to be in therapy, you need to put a sufficient amount of time into learning to cope and deal with your problems in ways that will help keep them from running your life. If you suffer from anxiety, depression, panic attacks, have been abused in any way, get help, do not put it off any longer, get the help, whether it's through medication or just talking to someone or both, seek help.  

Child Support

     I saw a post about this topic on Facebook this morning. There seems to be some misconceptions about what child support is, and how it is or should be used, according to some people that have to pay it. I have to laugh to myself when I see posts or hear comments about those paying child support and how they don't like how the receiving parent is using the money they pay.

     There are many reasons why a marriage falls apart; adultery from either side, physical, mental or emotional abuse or all three, one partner not really wanting to be there. There are many more reasons, it depends on the people, their feelings and whether or not they want too and are willing to put the time and effort into making the marriage work. 

     When a marriage falls apart, and if kids are involved, it can get messy. One parents feels the other is not good enough, one parent feels they should not have to pay child support if the other chooses to leave. 

     Child support typically is paid to the mother, from the father, however, it can also be paid by the mother to the father, every situation is different. My comments are directed to those that pay child support  and have their idea of how that money should be used and to share my experience with being on the receiving end of child support and the anger that was thrown at me because he felt he should not have to help support his children financially. 

     What my ex said "his money" should be used for; whatever the kids want to spend it on. The kids should be given hundreds of dollars a month to buy whatever they want, "his money" should not be used to pay bills or buy anything that I will use. What he said I should NOT spend "his money" on; my car payment (which I did not have), gas, anything for myself or household things. 

     What I spent MY money on from my both of my jobs; auto gas, auto/renters insurance, heat and electric, food for everyone, clothes for everyone, cellphones, house phone, cable, internet, school field trips, spending for said school field trips, all school supplies, school yearbooks, school dances and all that goes with them; hair, nails, dresses, shoes, food, spending money if going out afterwards. Pets and their needs, because the kids wanted pets. Replacing or repairing broken things because kids and pets are kids and pets and things some times need to be replaced/repaired. Cleaning products to give everyone a clean place to live, personal items (girls need a lot of those). Vacations; we took two family vacations during a 20 year marriage, he had multiple "hunting vacations" throughout the marriage, which each cost hundreds of dollars, to sit in the woods, can anyone explain how $800+ disappears while sitting in the woods? 

     What I spent "his money" on each week or month; whatever my money did not cover and most of the time, what he paid did not cover the remaining balances of anything 100%. And once in awhile we went out to eat too, we always said Thank You before we sat down to eat though, always be polite. 😺

     I currently have no savings because 100% of my money, still from both jobs, goes back to the household and trying to keep our home, food on the table and utilities turned on. I have traded in Dish Network for Hulu and Netflix, in order to save money and still allow us something to watch. I gave up my income tax return in 2016 to catch up on bills and I gave up the vacation we wanted so my youngest could have her wisdom teeth removed. I have continually sacrificed things that I want so that I can provide what was needed, first.  

     Look at this this way; if the parents were still together, they would be paying for everything together. If the parents were still together there would be half the bills and in some cases, two incomes so the financial aspect of paying for a household and all that entails would be much cheaper and half the cost of living apart. Just because a marriage ends, it does not mean that the needs of the children end. The needs of the children are always there and until the children are able to be provide for themselves, it is the parents responsibility to take care of the children. 

     Let me add this...the mothers that are able too but refuse to work and expect the father to cover ALL their bills and then refuse the father the right to see his children, I do not condone or agree with that. The parent that chooses to not work to avoid paying child support, I do not condone or agree with that. Parents that make the choice to see their children do not have a right to complain, because it is their choice. Parents that try to turn their children again the other parents are not right and doing more harm than good. 

     I am not the perfect parent, by any means and I have never claimed to be. I have not always done everything "the right way" but I have always tried to do what was best for my children. I have encouraged a relationship between my kids and their father, before and after the marriage was over. Kids, like adults, reach a point where they are tired of being lied too, having promises broken and their basic needs and feelings devalued and ignored. 

     If you are going through a marriage falling apart and have to pay child support, don't assume that YOUR children no longer need your help, don't assume that your ex will not take care of the children in the same they did before the break up. If one parent was not a good parent to begin with then you need to ensure that your children are taken care of by the best parent. Do not lie about one parents parenting skills, just to be mean. Always be the good example for your children. Show your children that even though their parents are no longer living in the same house, with them, as a family, they can still have a family that gets along and knows how to be nice to each other. 

A Little About Me

I was born in March 1971, in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I have two sisters through my mom and three brothers and two sisters through my dad. I don't see any of them nearly enough. 

I was married for 20 years, before I decided to move on to a life with a lot less fighting, frustration and conflict. Although my marriage did not last for my life, I did get two beautiful daughters from it. 

I have my Associates in Elementary Education and Bachelor's in Business. I will be starting my Master's in Counseling in August. 

I have worn many hats in my life; daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, friend, grandmother, cook, maid, chauffeur, laundress boss, company pee-on, and team lead. I am sure that I will wear many more hats in the years to come. 

My oldest daughter had her son, Aloysius J.Rheid, on May 5, 2017, Cinco de Mayo, I see big parties in his future. He is the sweetest baby, except when he is angry, hungry, wet or tired, which thankfully is not all the time. He makes eye contact when we talk to him and he is starting to smile more.

I am also a budding photographer, although, I am not able to get out as much as I would like. I am planning to do family photos for my daughter soon. I also love doing Genealogy research, though life has gotten in the way, I will get back to it again, soon. I love to cook and bake for my family but I don't like the clean up part. I have two cats Bellatrix and Luna, Bellatrix behaves much like her namesake and so does Luna. If you know Harry Potter, then you know what I mean. 

Spring Break 2014

Driving through Pennsylvania. So many beautiful views through the whole state.

We had a short stay in Maryland. We visited a few places and had lunch at Mongolian BBQ.

Final destination was Washington D.C. 
Beautiful Cherry Blossoms in full bloom