Preparing For My Future

 How do you prepare for the future? That is a question that I am sure a lot of people wonder but the life gets in the way and time is spent working, having a spouse and kids. Before you know it, many years have gone by and you have not prepared for the future you are now living. 

I got married at 19 years old. I got divorced at 40 years old. When I got married I have dreams of having a marriage that was "perfect", my own business, raising kids, living in the country, growing food in a huge garden and living a nice life. I dreamed of having money in the bank, taking nice vacations, going on date nights, spending weekends doing family things. 

Throughout my marriage I worked outside the house and I was also a stay at home mom. I did not mind either. While I still wanted all those things, they did not all turn out like I dreamt they would. Eventually a house was purchased but by the time that happened the marriage was not good and there was a lot of "going through the motions". I did what I could to make things better, I made changes within myself to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother. There were a lot of things working against me but at the times I did not realize that. 

I still have those dreams, they've changed slightly but I still have them. I am not sure that I will get married again but I will not say it will never happen. I still want to have my own business, I still want to have a house in the country and a garden, maybe not as big as when I was younger, but I still want that. 

So, how am I preparing for my future now? Short term future, financially I am working on getting ahead on my current bills so that each month is a little easier. I am preparing food for the freezer and stocking up on non-food things so I do not have to shop on a weekly basis. I shop sales when I can to keep costs down as much as possible. 

I am an organ donor. Another way I will be preparing for my future is to plan for the end of my life. I do not want to go any time soon but I also want to be prepared, for my children and grandchildren, when it happens. I will soon be working on setting up my cremation and purchasing urns for my ashes. What ever organs can be used I want them to go to someone else. 

Financially I am no where near where I would like to be with savings and retirement. I think my oldest daughter has made comments about putting me in a "mother-in-law" house in her yard...or a shed lol. She would be much nicer though because she knows I will help with her kids and spend time with them so she can do other things. I think I will be working on financial stability for awhile longer but hope that soon it starts to balance out. 

I would like to think that we have complete control over our future but being realistic, there are a lot factors that contribute to our future that is out of our control and we may have make changes to our plans. The way the world is being run affects us and can change our plans. The people we meet and interact with can change our plans. Our dreams may change, which can change our plans.  A key to getting through it is to work through the changes as best as we can and make adjustments to continue on the path we want to be on.

Spring cleaning in the middle of Winter?

I was sitting here this evening/morning, bored out of my mind, nothing is keeping my interest on television. I decided to start cleaning. 

My list right now consists of small things, like cleaning under the sinks, cleaning off the tables, boxing up trash, adjusting my bookshelves, again and a few dinners I want to make over the weekend. 

Once this list is done I will start working on the bigger projects; putting shelves in the bathroom, reorganizing the linen closet, hanging a bar and curtains in the bathroom, new curtain rods in the living room, cleaning out my bedroom closet, getting the last of the storage stuff put away so my bedroom looks like an adult sleeps there, dusting ceiling corners, vacuuming and scrubbing the floor throughout the apartment. I am sure I am missing some things but that is more than enough to get me started. 

I cleaned out my car this morning, it was not bad but I had enough trash in there to make it look 10 times worse than it actually was. It feels nice to not have that mess in the backseat. 

I feel that I have reached a point where I need more than what I have been allowing myself to have. I have been feeling bored more lately and I do not like it at all. Instead of sitting in my chair and falling asleep at all hours, I want to use more time to get projects done that will make my space organized and clean. 

If you are wondering how I get started with things like this, let me tell you that it is not easy. I used to spend the majority of my day cleaning, there was never any time for fun projects or anything else because I was always cleaning. For some reason that seemed to be an issue to some people, I was picked on it, people made fun of my organization. When I had kids, well, if you have kids you know that sometimes things do not remain a priority. I have always kept a clean house but over the years it has been just enough to not be embarrassing if someone visited. Since being in my own place again and having less space I want to keep it clean so it does not feel cluttered all the time. Unfortunately that is not how things have been as of late. I rarely clean, there are always dishes in the sink and dishwasher. I have not used the stove in a while, the counters have disappeared and there is consistently a tote with trash in it that needs to go out. 

This time I am starting out with small things that will not take very long but will make a big difference. I am also a list maker, I like crossing things off and seeing the list shrink. I also will be sticking to one area at a time as well. The kitchen needs a lot of work so that will be a day to get that done. The bathroom is not bad, other than lack of storage shelves; once those shelves are up other things will fall into place. 

Look at one area in one room, think about what you want it to look like and then what you need to do to get it to look the way you want. Do not overwhelm  yourself with it, it does not need to be stressful but it will help relieve some stress. 

I am not really a resolution type of person but I want to set some goals for myself for this year. One being getting my space fixed, since I am in it a lot. 

I also have other projects I can work on. I have a bucket I want to upcycle, I have puzzles, but I also have cats so this one will be difficult. I have a latch hook that I have avoided working on because the print is on the material and it is a bit intimidating. 

Do you set resolutions or goals?

What is on your Spring cleaning list? 

What kind of household projects do you want to achieve? 

What type of fun/crafty projects do you have?

Always Keep Learning

In 2010 my daughters and I moved away from my husband, a year later I was divorced. That was a huge step for me. After seven years I had to leave that place and ended up living with others for awhile. 

In 2020 I moved into my apartment, at the age of 49 years old I moved into my very first apartment. I have lived other places of course but this was the first place that I applied for and got into on my own. I was married for 20 years, had two kids and two grandkids and I was just getting my very first apartment. 

Having the house with the kids was different than what I have now. This place has allowed me to do things without the input of others, I've never had that before, it was very scary for me and also fun. 

A few other things I have learned since I have been here is that asking questions and asking for help is just as important as when you live with a spouse and have extra help. This time it is just me, I do not have a back up income for tough times.

 Financial things; Pay off debt and save money. When I moved in I was still receiving some unemployment money to go along with my job pay, but was it going to be enough to cover all my bills? Before moving in, while I had the extra pandemic payment money coming in I spent 2020 paying off old debt, medical bills and my car so when I moved I would have "normal" monthly bills and nothing else to worry about. I knew the pandemic payments would end so I was preparing for that. 

By October 2020 I had all the old debt paid off, medical bills paid off and my car lease was paid off and the remaining balance owed to own the car outright was paid off. I was able to move into my brand new apartment. I spent the months before moving preparing for the move, financially and with things I would need that I did not have in storage. Due to the pandemic I also began stocking up on some non-food items as well. I wanted to move in and not have to worry about running to the store all the time. 

This is not an easy thing to do, paying debt and saving money. See the importance in what you are doing and why and stick with it. Financial freedom had eluded me for years and in 2020 I finally found it. While still receiving unemployment I continued to prepare for the future. I purchased money orders for future payments and eventually ended up with five months worth of rent ready. This  allowed me to cover other things during those five months. 

Jumping forward to the summer of 2021 and I signed a new lease for my apartment. Unfortunately during this time the unemployment was cut down and the extra stopped, though they still owe me money from 2021, not sure when that will come in. My hours went down at work. 

October 2021, due to low hours and unemployment ending and not hearing from any of the numerous jobs I applied for I was feeling the pinch financially. I ended up getting a call, doing a phone interview, then an in-person interview and the next thing I know I was starting orientation. The pay was less then I was making with my first job but it had steady hours so it was sort of balance out financially. 

In October I spoke with the building manager, she helped me apply for a program to get help with my rent. December 2021 I finally heard back and I was approved help. They covered three months of back rent, the late fees, three future months of rent (Jan-Mar 2022) and a very nice amount to my electric which has covered three months of electric and I have enough for one to two more months. This helped so much, the extra time was needed to better prepare for the future, again.   

I ended up getting a call, doing a phone interview, then an in-person interview and the next thing I know I was starting orientation. The pay was less then I was making with my first job but it had steady hours so it was sort of balance out financially. I've been with my new job for four months now and I am doing well. 

Fast forward to now, February 2022. I have reached the point where my work hours are steady, and I can pick up extra hours if needed. I maintain 24 hours per week, not a lot but like I said, I can pick up more hours if needed. Due to system problems I have received back dated pay from the beginning of this year and I also received a raise that was also back dated from the beginning of this year. Now I begin to prepare for the future again, with rent at least. Money orders for rent will be purchased and I will be able to get ahead on bills and what not. I'm feeling pretty good. 

Pay off debt, look for a new job/second job, if that will help you, pay ahead on bills when and where you can and stock your house with things you go through. I started restocking food and non-food stuff, giving myself at least enough to get through two or three months. I will still purchase more if/when I find it, to keep up my supply up for times when I may not be able to buy for a little while.

That's about it for now, I have a few things to do today and need to get ready. 

Some things I learned

Since 2017 I have learned a lot. Coming to realizations is not always fun and I came to a few over the last four plus years. 

I learned that asking for help is important, to get through some situations. You cannot do everything on your own, no matter how much you want to or try. 

In 2017 I was audited by the IRS and it ended up taking a year to receive my refund. I held on as long as I could and I couldn't do it anymore, financially. I went to family for help, I couldn't offer much financially so I offered to help clean and organize their house, my offer was accepted. I began with spending two weeks cleaning out the room I would be staying in. I dumped so much stuff covered with cat urine, old food, half full trash bags, broken things etc. I put a couple shelves in the closet to help hold some of my smaller things. I repainted the walls and the floor. I moved into the bedroom and  loaded all my life's belongings to the basement, in totes and boxes. 

I sorted through my belongings before moving, I sorted through my belongings again after moving. I helped my family member sort out things they wanted to donate and called Salvation Army for a donation pick up. Lots of stuff gone. I opened all the windows during the day to help air out the smell of animal urine that had been soaked into the wood under the flooring in the kitchen. Between working on my new room, my job and school I worked on the main floor of the house. The kitchen was awful, it took me a couple of days to get all the dishes washed by hand and with the dishwasher. I fixed drawers bottoms sinking down from the weight, I put drawer fronts back on as well as knobs that had fallen off. I dumped old expired food and wiped down cupboard shelves and scrubbed the fridge and freezer. The food prep area was finally done! The rest of the kitchen though, not even close. I worked on the living room, cleared away clutter and trash, it was usable again. 

I eventually was working two job, first shift through a temp agency 40 hours a week and then a part time job with a new company 10 hours a week, I went from one to the other every single day for months. I spent part of my evenings doing more cleaning around the house, making dinner, sharing what I made a few times a week. I spent my nights and weekends doing homework and trying to recover from my week of work, then I did it all over again. 

I needed this help in order to work more and put extra money towards paying off bills I had just put into consolidation to eliminate the growing interest and set up small payments that I could handle as well as my car payment, phone and insurance payments. I made to much to receive help with food costs so I was also paying for my own food. 

A lot happened during my time living with this family member. It was while I was there that I began counseling and getting my medical health checked out. I knew I needed additional help, though I tried to deny it and I told myself I had everything under control, I did not. I was angry, I cried a lot, I yelled and my frustration showed every single day. Some of this because of my financial situation, some of it because of where I was living and who I was living with and how they made me feel and how they used me. 

Some may say that we used each other or that I was ungrateful. Did I use this family member? to an extent, I was not in a position to offer more than helping with their home, when I could do something financially, I did. 

Asking for help is important, it's never easy, it never will be easy, but it is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. 

Been a while. Let's play catch up, shall we?

 A lot has happened since my last post in October 2018. I was living with my mother during my last post. I ended up leaving in July 2019. I have barely spoken to her and other members of my family since then. 

July 2019 - May 2020 I moved to my half sisters apartment for awhile, the room was small but it was nice to get out of the chaos that I was in previously. My cats were not as happy though, my sister had a cat and he was a little to friendly with them. I had to keep them in my room, we even tried separating the apt a bit with a door but her cat still managed to get into my space a lot. 

I continued to work (worked with kids with Autism) during this time but then the pandemic hit and things began shutting down in March 2020. I made plans to go out for my birthday, but everything shut down a few days before, that ruined my plans. I ended up having two weeks off from work and my supervisor suggested doing our sessions online. That started me working from home at the beginning of April 2020. We had to get creative with how we did our sessions and I had to learn how to use Zoom. I hated being on camera but after a couple weeks it got easier. We were able to see people from our in person social group again and over time it expanded, we eventually had 4 clients, 4 techs and various supervisors that joined us weekly for group sessions. 

Things were fine at my sisters, difficult in various ways at times but she allowed me time to work on myself and was very patient with me financially. When work got slow because of the pandemic I ended up filing for unemployment. Not ideal and it was a pain but it was extremely helpful for me in so many ways. I was able to give my sister money to help with rent and utilities but I was really feeling stuck and cramped a lot of the time. This was the second place I had been I only had a small room. As much as my sister tried to make me feel at home and as much as I appreciated her help I really needed my own space. 

During the majority of this time I had been keeping an eye on a new building that was going up, brand new apartment that I was waiting to apply for, income based, just what I needed! 

I used the unemployment money, pandemic relief money and my job pay and made a plan to pay off all my debt consolidation, medical bills and my car, which was leased. I made larger payments on everything for the remaining months of 2020. I also worked out how to save money to move into my own place. My sister informed me that the house the apartment was in had been sold. So I began searching for a new place to live, until the apartment building began taking applications. 

In May 2020 I moved into a friends house, he had a room to rent and he was okay with my cats too. The room itself was descent sized, I had a big cupboard in the kitchen were I kept my food, I had a drawer and shelf in the bathroom for my things and space in the fridge and freezer as well. There was a washer and dryer in the basement so no more laundry mat! When I moved in, my first thought was "this is going to be great!" The first month was fine, he lived a quiet life (except when he was drinking), had friends over once in awhile. Sometimes I'd sit outside with him and talk or we'd watch television together and talk about different shows we liked and share ones we thought the other would like. 

June comes around and things started to change, slowly. I noticed that some of my food was disappearing, dishes in the cupboard started disappearing as well, pots and pans and then small things in the bathroom too. He was upset that I was not willing to clean up after him with the microwave, which I rarely used. He decided that he needed to take the pieces out of it so I couldn't use it. I brought my own in from my storage and kept it in my room. Over the course of the summer he started doing other things. He was blocking the basement stairs, he removed the pieces from the top of the stove so it couldn't be used, he was stealing my food so I put it all in my room. He put bleach in my laundry soap, which I caught before putting it in the washer. He was doing something to my bathroom stuff so I removed all of it all and washed everything. The night before I left to go to my aunts house, the weekend before my apartment was ready to move into, he took the door off the only bathroom in the house. He spent a week randomly pounding on my door so hard that he put multiple holes in it. I'm pretty sure he cut one of the brand new tires on my car too. I changed where I parked my car and kept a camera pointed at my car all the time until I was able to leave. I have video and audio recordings of his harassment. Through all this I was trying to find a different place to life, short term or long term, at this point I just needed out. It was difficult trying to find a place I could afford and would accept my cats. One place accepted me but wanted to talk to him, he refused to answer the phone and I lost that place because they wouldn't proceed without talking to him about my rent payments. 

November 6, 2020 With help from some family and a Uhaul van I packed up everything I had in the room in his house and went to stay with my aunt until my apartment was going to be ready. I couldn't stay in that house anymore, the trauma he put me and my cats through, the daily threats, I needed to get out for my and my cats safety. As I waited in line to pay for my Uhaul I got a call from the apartment complex, my apartment would be ready to move into on November 10. I had already set everything up to leave that house so I was sticking to it. One of my older sisters agreed to watch my cats for me, my aunt had a cat and two dogs and did not want anymore animals in the house. I hated being away from them, especially after all the trauma they had been through but I didn't have a choice. I spent the long weekend sitting in the room my aunt provided me, talking to a cousin who helped me immensely during the last bit of time I was in the awful place. I was very shaken and could not handle loud noises. 

November 10, 2020 I moved into my new apartment after a day of dealing with last minute errors on my paperwork. I had some help moving things in from a few different people. Once the Uhaul van was unloaded I called my sister so she could bring my cats over, my nephew showed up with them a little bit later. They were still scared and away from me for days then dropped off at a new place. They spent a lot of time sleeping on my bed. Every day I told them they could go where they wanted too, they were home and was big and they would not be closed in a room again. I didn't say much more than "Hi" to people that I ran into during elevator trips up and down. Because I was still working from home and the pandemic was still in full force, I didn't go out much so my cats and I spent a lot of time in the apartment with the door locked. For months any loud noise we all jumped and froze. I didn't answer knocks at my door unless I knew someone was coming over and only a few people had my new address. 

Now, we have been in this apartment for just over a year, second year lease was signed early and I'll be signing my third lease this coming summer. I spent the first month here cleaning out the storage unit. I got rid of a lot of stuff, some trashed, some left for others in the building to have and some things I donated to Good Will. I'm still working on getting fully organized but so far the apartment is set up how I like it but I'm on a wait list to get into a bigger apartment so I have the space for my grandbabies to sleep when they come to visit and so I can create a better space for exercising and my office. I have made friends with a couple of the neighbors on my floor but for the most part I still keep to myself. 

The trauma may never go away but I don't always jump when I hear loud noises. I've started talking to other people and even have some people over to my apartment too, though the people are limited that know where I live, for many reasons, I do now allow some in. The first year I only allowed a few people over and that didn't happen often. 

That year I got a second job, less pay but steady hours, I am still learning more at this job. This year I quit the job I had for almost four years, no clients to work with and what was available did not work with the job that had steady hours. I am getting a raise at my current job, still less than the one I quit but I get raises and bonus', unlike the old job and my supervisors actually talk to me and listen to what I have to say and ask for my feedback. 

That's the last few years, condensed, it's not all pretty and fun but I've surviving it every day. I'm feeling happier now and my cats are doing better, for the most part. The trauma they went through still shows at times.

My girls, Luna in the top photo and Bellatrix in the bottom. Their names fit them very well.