What To Do?

I've been talking with someone off and on for a couple years. He says he wants to meet in person. 

We went to high school together, we did not hang out in the same crowd. We knew/knew of eachother but that's about it. 

He said that with the talking off and on for as long as we have, we should meet for coffee, or in my case cocoa. 

I had mentioned that I was going shopping, he said he should go to the store and shop with me. I told him where I was going. Messaged him shortly after I got there, no response until I was almost done...the game was on and he needed to watch. 

The next time, I was under the impression  we would meet and the last message I sent him was "see you tomorrow". He never responded to that and I didn't hear from him until late the next day and he said we had not officially planned anything. 

The next time we talked about meeting up he said he was sick from something he ate. I had also gotten a flu shot and a covid vaccine and it hit me kinda hard so I was in no position to go anywhere. 

He doesn't work tomorrow, neither do I. I asked him what we wanted to do tomorrow, a couple times. He did not answer that question, either time and has not responded to anything else sent.

Is he nervous about meeting in person? I am, because making friends as adults is difficult and scary as hell!

Is he worried I will think he's to heavy? I am, because I am nowhere near the size I was in high school and have been rejected because of my weight before.

Is he afraid that I won't like him in person? I am because I am awkward as hell and it shows all over my face, my movements and how I talk. 

Is he afraid I will reject him? I am already starting to feel rejected. 

Is he simply an asshole who is messing with me? It's highly possible. 

I am wildly out of my comfort zone here. I have been alone for 15 years now and the idea of giving that up in any capacity is scary to me. I'm trying so hard to not retreat into my own world with my living situation. I am trying to put myself out there, again, and feel the same things happening, again. 

I miss what having a friend feels like. I miss what having someone talk to and with me, hold me, want to spend time with me feels like. I miss all the things I didn't have during 20 years of marriage and some of the things I did.

I am about done trying though. I would rather be alone than put on another roller coaster with someone that doesn't actually want what they say they want. 

Just over a month in...

 It feels like it's been much longer than just over a month since we moved into our new rental. A lot has been going on since the move, at work and at home. I'm still going through my room and trying to cut back on things, make more space and just feel comfortable in my space. I do share my space with cats so it's not always that easy. 

I've been working doubles for 5-6 weeks now, thankfully they are almost done because I've been exhausted more than usual. The pay has been great and I got a bonus as well, so that helped. Working on paying down bills, stocking up on things we need and doing some extra stuff as well. 

I bought some feeders and have been putting food out for the squirrels and birds, my daughter doesn't care for it because now there are little footprints on the windows. The cats and grandkids love seeing all the animals though. I like seeing them too, so far we've had a Blue Jay, Chickadee and a small Woodpecker visit the porch. 

I've got  more stuff that can be moved to the basement and I'd like to start preparing the yard for winter. Thankfully we have some salt for the walkways and decks, and we've got a good shovel too. not sure how much help I'll have with keeping things shoveled but I'll do my best. 

I'm not looking forward to having to clean snow off my car again but I'll manage like I do every year. The kids will be able to play in the snow, that should be fun for them.

Moved Again...

 At the beginning of September we received a Notice to Quit from out rental management company. It came out of no where and they refused to tell us why. We called, emailed and texted with the owner. All they said is that they wanted their property back and we had until September 30th to be out AND that we could NEVER rent from them again. I did some searching online and for a Yelp review about how they had done this to other families a few years ago, 12 families all kicked out and told they could never rent from the management company again. Oddly enough that actually made me feel a little better, but still, we had to uproot ourselves and the grandkids, which broke my heart. They are still not back in school yet, that is being worked on and can be a slow process. We were out of the old place on the 30th but had to leave some things behind do to running out of time and space, my car is still not empty. The old place had 4 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. Two floors, each with 2 bedrooms and basement space that was always messy because kids played down there and threw things around. We also had a shared wall with the neighbors. I should also mention that we were on a month to month, no lease was in place at that we were told we had to leave. 

The new place is a two story single family home with a basement, so no shared walls with neighbors. We have a small front deck and small back deck plus a patio for our patio furniture. The basement is used for storage and that's it, not useable space for the kids to play. The main floor has a bedroom with a 3/4 bath (stand up shower only), and a nice walk in closet with a lot of shelves, this is my room. No more lugging my shower stuff up and down the stairs. The living room is small but that works out okay because we don't have a lot of furniture in there anyway. The kitchen/dining area is a descent size, my big table fits in there nicely, we just need to get the boxes and stuff out so we can adjust the space a bit more. There is also a 1/2 bath off the kitchen with a washer and dryer. The top floor has 3 bedrooms and a full bath with a shower/tub combo, my daughter and the boys are up there. There is also off street parking, though my daughter parks on the street in front of the house and I park in the driveway. I discovered that our mail is delivered around 9am. We are close to places my daughter likes to go with her friends and her boyfriend is only a 3 minute drive away. The backyard is not fully fenced in and there is no garage but we have not had a garage in many many years so this is nothing new. 

I was not and am not happy about being in the city but this is what has to happen for now, we did not have much of a choice. We tried to stay in the town where the grandkids went to school but we couldn't find a place to live out there, either no one returned messages or places we liked were unavailable. 

It's been almost 2 weeks since we got keys and moved in. We have a lot left to unpack in our rooms and the common areas of the house. Most of the storage stuff is in the basement but there is still some left in the common areas that need to go down. I am hoping to get my car cleaned out this weekend, we'll see how that goes. We are hoping to be in this house for awhile, we are tired of moving and we will be keeping a lease, even if they say we can do month to month.

At this point my drive to work is about 10 minutes shorter that what I was driving, which is nice but I also have to account for more traffic, the time of day and the weather as well. Yes those things were accounted for previously but being in the city and construction season, it's a bit different, but I can still avoid the highway, which is always nice. 

I think that's it for now. I'm at work and have some computer stuff to finish now.