Child Support

     I saw a post about this topic on Facebook this morning. There seems to be some misconceptions about what child support is, and how it is or should be used, according to some people that have to pay it. I have to laugh to myself when I see posts or hear comments about those paying child support and how they don't like how the receiving parent is using the money they pay.

     There are many reasons why a marriage falls apart; adultery from either side, physical, mental or emotional abuse or all three, one partner not really wanting to be there. There are many more reasons, it depends on the people, their feelings and whether or not they want too and are willing to put the time and effort into making the marriage work. 

     When a marriage falls apart, and if kids are involved, it can get messy. One parents feels the other is not good enough, one parent feels they should not have to pay child support if the other chooses to leave. 

     Child support typically is paid to the mother, from the father, however, it can also be paid by the mother to the father, every situation is different. My comments are directed to those that pay child support  and have their idea of how that money should be used and to share my experience with being on the receiving end of child support and the anger that was thrown at me because he felt he should not have to help support his children financially. 

     What my ex said "his money" should be used for; whatever the kids want to spend it on. The kids should be given hundreds of dollars a month to buy whatever they want, "his money" should not be used to pay bills or buy anything that I will use. What he said I should NOT spend "his money" on; my car payment (which I did not have), gas, anything for myself or household things. 

     What I spent MY money on from my both of my jobs; auto gas, auto/renters insurance, heat and electric, food for everyone, clothes for everyone, cellphones, house phone, cable, internet, school field trips, spending for said school field trips, all school supplies, school yearbooks, school dances and all that goes with them; hair, nails, dresses, shoes, food, spending money if going out afterwards. Pets and their needs, because the kids wanted pets. Replacing or repairing broken things because kids and pets are kids and pets and things some times need to be replaced/repaired. Cleaning products to give everyone a clean place to live, personal items (girls need a lot of those). Vacations; we took two family vacations during a 20 year marriage, he had multiple "hunting vacations" throughout the marriage, which each cost hundreds of dollars, to sit in the woods, can anyone explain how $800+ disappears while sitting in the woods? 

     What I spent "his money" on each week or month; whatever my money did not cover and most of the time, what he paid did not cover the remaining balances of anything 100%. And once in awhile we went out to eat too, we always said Thank You before we sat down to eat though, always be polite. 😺

     I currently have no savings because 100% of my money, still from both jobs, goes back to the household and trying to keep our home, food on the table and utilities turned on. I have traded in Dish Network for Hulu and Netflix, in order to save money and still allow us something to watch. I gave up my income tax return in 2016 to catch up on bills and I gave up the vacation we wanted so my youngest could have her wisdom teeth removed. I have continually sacrificed things that I want so that I can provide what was needed, first.  

     Look at this this way; if the parents were still together, they would be paying for everything together. If the parents were still together there would be half the bills and in some cases, two incomes so the financial aspect of paying for a household and all that entails would be much cheaper and half the cost of living apart. Just because a marriage ends, it does not mean that the needs of the children end. The needs of the children are always there and until the children are able to be provide for themselves, it is the parents responsibility to take care of the children. 

     Let me add this...the mothers that are able too but refuse to work and expect the father to cover ALL their bills and then refuse the father the right to see his children, I do not condone or agree with that. The parent that chooses to not work to avoid paying child support, I do not condone or agree with that. Parents that make the choice to see their children do not have a right to complain, because it is their choice. Parents that try to turn their children again the other parents are not right and doing more harm than good. 

     I am not the perfect parent, by any means and I have never claimed to be. I have not always done everything "the right way" but I have always tried to do what was best for my children. I have encouraged a relationship between my kids and their father, before and after the marriage was over. Kids, like adults, reach a point where they are tired of being lied too, having promises broken and their basic needs and feelings devalued and ignored. 

     If you are going through a marriage falling apart and have to pay child support, don't assume that YOUR children no longer need your help, don't assume that your ex will not take care of the children in the same they did before the break up. If one parent was not a good parent to begin with then you need to ensure that your children are taken care of by the best parent. Do not lie about one parents parenting skills, just to be mean. Always be the good example for your children. Show your children that even though their parents are no longer living in the same house, with them, as a family, they can still have a family that gets along and knows how to be nice to each other.