Today I started on Fluoxetine (Prozac) 10mg a day for one week and then it will be 20mg a day. I may ask to keep it at the 10 mg though, if I'm feeling okay or if the 20 mg feels like it's to much then I'll ask about going back down to the 10mg. I do not know how this is going to make me feel but I told my doctor that I would give it a try. She and my first counselor were trying to get me to try meds a couple years ago but I declined, they did not push it hard but if they saw I was not doing as well they would ask again. So far today I've had a funny feeling in my head, but that's it and didn't last long. A couple side effects is being tired but I'm already tired all the time so I'll just have to push through like I normally do. Another side effect was described as a freight train, going and going, I hope that does not happen because that sounds like me on caffeine and that's never good...I'd be moving all day but NEVER get anything done.
The last month or so I've been feeling more up and down with the depression, not fully taking care of myself and my apartment, I'm still not sleeping well but I think that has other factors beyond the depression and I've had bouts of anxiety where every little thing is making me jump, my hands shake constantly and I spend more time inside, alone.
I think that some of the depression and lack of self care comes from my friend that I was walking with and going to movies with, just stopped talking to me. There were a few text responses saying they'd get back to me about hanging out and then they didn't. The last text I sent was unanswered, I decided that was it, I was done trying. Even if they get ahold of me I'm not sure that I will want to see them because they just stopped and I don't want to deal that rejection again. Why is having friends, as an adult, harder than when I was younger? I miss having someone to hang out with and walk with. Today is a great day to walk but since I like to walk in the woods and take pictures, for safety reasons I do not walk alone. I miss my friend. I don't have friends close that I can do things with. I am not a bar/club person so I'm not meeting people that way and I only work with a few people, none that I'd hang out with outside of work.
I'm really trying to push myself today, I don't want to give in to the sleep because I won't be able to do that when I go back to work on Monday. I don't know how much cleaning I'll get done today but I'm hoping enough to make it look better in here.
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